Make Money Online While Being Abducted by Aliens

Many of you may have been wondering where I've been all this time. I can assure you that even when you don't hear from me, you can bet your bottom dollar (which, incidentally, you can Paypal to me if you deem it necessary) that I'm making money online in some kind of way. So again, you may wonder why I haven't posted in such a long time. True, I've been busy with the usual blog moneymaking tactics I always employ, but the interesting thing is I've been able to generate online profits even while I was abducted by aliens and taken aboard a UFO recently.

See, let me explain. I have long believed that there was intelligent life on other planets. I just always wondered if they would be interested in giving me their money as well. So, I logged on to the internet and shortly discovered that my every money making move on the Web was being tracked by a rogue gang of aliens from the planet Zorkon, close to Tau Ceti. I found this out because I had recently signed up with Twitter, and they ended up following me on Twitter. Well, long story short, one night while I was making an evening deposit into my massive bank account via the ATM machine, a huge, bright light shone down directly above my car. All of a sudden, I was literally vacuumed up into a saucer-shaped spaceship and taken aboard a real-deal alien spacecraft. I saw rows and rows of sophisticated computer equipment, and I witnessed them working on computers that must have had several terabytes of RAM--really, really fast stuff. One of the aliens offered me some Bar-B-Q Fritos, which I couldn't resist. What I didn't know was that at the point I opened my mouth to consume the Fritos, another alien jammed a Q-tip in my mouth and took a throat culture right there on the spot. They then examined the culture under some type of highly sophisticated computerized microscope. Once they ran several tests and pulled several reports, all in the blink of an eye, I realized that they were ascertaining my money making capabilities directly from my DNA. They also strapped me into a machine and placed electrodes on my head, and performed several brain scans. It was amazing.

Long story short, after much intensive (and yet quick) research, they all agreed that there was no one living on planet Earth today that has more money making ideas and strategies than yours truly. So from now on, when you read this blog about making money online, always remember that I am Zorkonite-approved as the ultimate money making guru of all time.

I Make More Money Online Than John Chow, Darren Rowse, Shoemoney, AND Their Grandmothers Combined

You know, in the world of making money online there are those who stand out from the crowd and those who don't. There are those who have earned a reputation for themselves and those that just make money on the internet behind the scenes. I am more of the latter class than the former. I am the kind of internet marketer that keeps a low profile, but yet quietly racks up more online income than Darren Rowse, Shoemoney, and John Chow all combined, even when you include their respective grandmothers' income on top of that.

So how do I manage to find myself virtually drowning in thousands of $100 bills every week? Very easy...I earn money online through various means, many of which you will have to check the archives to get the full understanding of. The important thing is that I maintain a diversified portfolio of online income generation through various money making means, such as Adsense, affiliate programs, ebooks, lead generation, going insane, selling squid doo-doo, and completely ripping people off with sales copy that promises them hundreds of thousands of dollars a month for the low price of $37.00. It's actually very easy. In the words of P.T. Barnum, "There's a sucker born every minute." Thank God those suckers know where to go to get more of their money taken by savvy internet marketers...that's right, they come HERE.


But stick around and keep reading the archives to get more incredibly incredible information on making money online. Who knows...you may be the next Shoemoney, John Chow, or Darren Rowse, and then I'll be making more money than you too.

I Made $45,342.53 in ONE DAY on MySpace!!!

Ninety percent of making money online is attitude; the other half is skill. Some would like to believe that luck is involved in making tons of money online, but I greatly disagree. I even have the online income to prove it. Luck is a fantasy word. The true internet marketer or online entrepreneur doesn't depend on luck; they depend on a random chance occurrence that arbitrarily brings them into good fortune. There's a big difference.

Having become a master of online revenue generation myself, I can now share with you how "the rich get richer, and the poor get poorer". I have learned so many different money making secrets on how to generate online income, that now I am a multi-millionaire with multiple revenue streams to my credit. One of these streams was created just yesterday while I was on MySpace, blogging about how horrible Ashlee Simpson's outfit in People magazine was.

Yep, I made $45,342.53 yesterday, within a 1-hour period, while I was on MySpace!!! How did I do it, you ask? The process was very simple, and completely repeatable. Here's the basic overview of how it was done:

1. As I said earlier, I simply logged on to MySpace as usual and started blogging about celebrity drama like many MySpacers do.

2. While I was logged on, I left the computer for a few minutes and walked down the street to a local convenience store.

3. I bought 3 lottery tickets, the kind with the cool scratch-off games.

4. I scratched off a winning combination and WON $45,342.33 just like that!!!

5. I cashed in my winnings, returned home, and continued blogging on MySpace, fully aware of my extraordinary capability to attract money and success no matter what I do.

Now as you can tell, this is a very repeatable system for anyone else looking to create online income with a minimal amount of real work. All it takes is a little elbow grease, some determination, and the directions to the nearest convenience store. Now go and get 'em, and make cash with the rest of them!

I Made $35,673.9777 in One Day While Tweeting on Twitter!!!

Folks, there are a ton of ways to make money online, and if you're clueless as to even one, it's best that you just close up shop and get out of the business entirely. In this post, I'm going to dive into only ONE of the many money making secrets that I have accumulated over the past few years that has enabled me to bring in an appendix-rupturing amount of money, creating yet one more stream of income to add to my multiple revenue streams that keep my money coming in for periods of time that are longer than this run-on sentence I'm writing right now.

Just to give you a little incentive to read further, I'll go ahead and put this out there: I made $35,673.9777 on Twitter.

Yep, on Twitter.

How did I do it?

Tweeting, my friend. Just tweeting.

For those who may not know, Twitter is a social networking website that enables people to perform bird-like functions. Random, miscellaneous and obscure communications fly back and forth on Twitter at the speed of light. These communications are known as "tweets". Among these tweets you will see such things as what people are eating for dinner at a given moment, how much their shirt from K-Mart costs, and random "atta boys" and "talk to you soon's" aimed "@ John", "@ Red Dog", or "@ Happy723". Those who are addicted to tweeting will swear that they cannot live without these "tweets", and hang on the edge of their seat to see whether or not "Jim555" woke up at 9:30 a.m. or 10:00 a.m. this morning. Most Twitter addicts consider all of this tweeting activity to be a wise investment of time. I, however, consider it to be a wide open, gaping field of money making opportunity beckoning me to partake of its tweeting bounties.

The way that I earn cash online with Twitter is by tweeting about how much money I make online doing other online business ventures. Other Twitter addicts see these tweets, and are forced to check out my website, which usually sends me a plethora of traffic just ripe for blog monetization. Once the traffic arrives, I usually monetize my blog with some sort of pay-per-click ads a la Adsense or Yahoo Publisher ads, and these tweeters begin a torrential clicking frenzy which rivals the speed of a school of piranhas skeletonizing a whole cow.

So there it is in a nutshell--my money making system known as "Tweet-Mining". A simple, and yet powerful money making method that works every time, because tweeters can often be suckers. If you doubt whether this method can make your blog make money, I feel sorry for you...you'll be the one sitting on your couch without $35,673.9777 of extra pocket change to carry around.

Make Serious Money Online by Being Extremely Serious

I have already covered the importance of intensity in your blog moneymaking endeavors. I have also covered the importance of not being conventional in your cash generating tactics (see my previous post for more on that one). One thing that I have failed to touch on as of yet is the importance of being serious when you're making money online. Although I've been known to be somewhat of a prankster, a joker, a space cowboy, and even the Gangster of Love (that's what some call me anyway), I take my online business very seriouser than most.

In order for you to make serious money online, you have to be extremely serious. There's no way around it. This is very similar to the concept of making asinine money online by creating asinine content (gloobeefoobie, anyone?). If you have noticed a trend here, or if this post seems to be a slightly altered version of the previous post, that's because it is. I am simply creating content that basically boils down to stupid crap, all designed to either make you laugh or bore you to tears. Either way it goes, I win, because at the end of the day, only a serious internet marketer such as myself would even have the courage to attempt such a thing. And again, it takes a serious person to even give something like this a try.

Here's the paragraph where I utilize long tail keywords such as online money making tips, multiple streams of income, earn money, and e books. This is an essential part of my butt-kicking SEO skills, which also require great seriousivity. If you're not ready to be as serious as a heart attack, a nervous system failure, or even a chain reaction of exploding brain cells, you're not ready to earn money online.

So how do you get this serious? Well, there's two primary ways you can get it done:

1. Ask one of your friends to take a baseball bat and whack you on the head very hard one good time. Ask him to aim for the left-rear section of your head. This should affect the area of your brain that regulates seriousness, thereby making you incapable of entertaining non-serious thoughts.

2. Ask another friend (or, heck, maybe the same one) to inject you with sodium pentathol (a.k.a. truth serum). This should eliminate all sarcasm, snappy comebacks, and humor-based statements, stripping away all aspects of communication that could cause you to not be serious, leaving only the capability for you to be serious.

Now that you have a large knot on your head and dope in your system, you're finally able to really focus on making money online. Don't hand me no wuss crap about how much the baseball bat hurt or that you "don't like needles"; you have to learn how to stop at nothing in your determination to make your blog make money. After all, that's what serious internet marketers do.

Make Asinine Money Online--To the Point of Extreme Asininity

Don't listen to all these noobs out there with their cute little blogs trying to teach you how to make money online--most of the time they don't know what they're talking about. They've been involved in internet marketing for a grand total of three weeks and now all of a sudden they're ready to tell you all about how to make money fast...most of them can't even afford a popsicle on their Adsense earnings.

I have been in this game long enough to know what it takes to make tons of cash online. I have explained several cash generating methods and several money making secrets that are lost on the average web entrepreneur. I still have several techniques and methods in my deep bag of tricks that can make John Cougar Mellencamp cut a backflip over the Empire State Building while being chased by a half-insane man dressed as a monkey.

If you're like most people, you probably read that previous sentence and said--"WHAT???"

That's exactly my point...if you're ever going to separate yourself from the "blog make money online" crowd, you have to get a little asinine. Only when you get asinine can you expect to make asinine amounts of money online. As a matter of fact, gleeblefork gloobledookie gobble-gobble stupidhead flipperdoo jabberwockey ding-ding merry merry ha ha hoo hoo chizzleputty.

There it is again--keyword stuffing asinine words so that you can truly make asinine money online. If there's one thing I've learned about making money on the internet, it is the fact that you have to stand out from the crowd by saying something different. Not only have I done that with this and previous posts I've written, but I have taken it a step further with this post by writing complete gibberish. Blibby-blibby, stoopidhibby. Tookie-tookie, snook-falookie. Globber-globber, Google-snobber. Ultimately, these techniques will ensure that I will rule the make money online niche. Here's to your blooblefizzymuckyfluckybeebledweeble too!!!

Blog Moneymaking Wonder-Force Power -- How to Get It

Using Blog Moneymaking Wonder-Force Power Like Your Life Depended on It


If you think you've learned all there is to know about making your blog make money, you're sadly mistaken. There is a whole other realm of money making power that most people have yet to tap into, which if they did, it would propel them into higher levels of consciousness, larger multiple streams of revenue, and insane amounts of hot chicks and studly guys.

This altered realm of consciousness will reveal certain money making secrets that are widely considered absolute mysteries to the average internet marketer, but yet second nature to those who possess the ability to tap into it. I alluded to it a while back in my post about making money online with the law of attraction, but honestly, I didn't even scratch the surface. This power...nay, this FORCE, is known as Blog Moneymaking Wonder-Force Power.

This is a powerful combination of traffic exchange, self-publishing, website flipping, social media marketing, blog monetization, and paid surveys, along with a healthy dose of wealth psychology and the power of Chi to boot. What normally happens is that you relax yourself in the lotus position, assume a calm, meditative posture, and slowly descend and yet ascend into a higher level of super-realistic consciousness where you come to realize that you can only become one with the everything if you completely embrace the nothingness that is actually something.

Once this happens, you are now truly ready to sit down at your computer and blog yourself into online money making insanity as I mentioned in my last post.

How do you ever arrive at such a level? It takes patience, my friend. There is no free lunch. But there will be, however, free money that will absolutely bowl you over with typhoon-like force and torrenting your Paypal account with monstrous profits if you simply follow these simple ways to make money online. Here's to your Blog Moneymaking Wonder-Force Power success!!!

Blog Yourself into Online Money Making Insanity!

There's no better way to blog yourself into a ridiculous euphoria of money making nirvana than to create a "make money online" blog. Here you have, at your very nimble fingertips, the ability to bring in multiple revenue streams with the click of a mouse. What more could you want?

I want to cover some top secret money making secrets that are very secretive. Now you know, since I'm such a generous guy, having already made millions of dollars on the internet (a practice that you so desperately seek to know the keys to), I really have nothing left to do except to expound upon the profundity of methodologies that I use to bring in the big bucks, mainly because I want to give back to all the "little guys" who may be deprived of such knowledge. This blog is my means of "giving back" to the community that has so graciously given to me, in the form of flooding my CJ account with affiliate sales from the plethora of "make money" ebooks I tirelessly market to anyone that's gullible enough to take the bait.

So how do you arrive at generating any revenue from blogging? You have to use a long-neglected ingredient in internet marketing: INTENSITY. That's right, folks, you have to get absolutely intense, to the point of near-insanity. As a matter of fact, if you're not willing to blog yourself into a rabid frenzy, you're not really ready for the big money online. If you're not willing to grab your computer monitor and smash your head right into the center of the screen, you're still playing around with this thing. As a matter of fact, if you're not willing to flip your computer desk completely over, set your PC on fire, bust out your bedroom window, and then hurl your flaming computer out of the window while screaming "Bring it on, cyberspace!!!", you might as well take up stamp collecting. Because any other degree of intensity besides what I just described is simply not going to cut it.

Come talk to me when you're really serious about making money online. Until then, keep tip-toeing through your pixie-dust blogging fantasy-world.

50 Money Making Ways to Increase Traffic to Your Blog (50th Post!!!)

Make Money with Your Blog as You Help Me Celebrate My 50th Post!!!


This post will forever stand as a landmark in the arena of making money online. Why, you ask? Because SteadyPhil's Make Money Online Blog has now officially reached 50 posts!!! As a part of the celebration, I wanted to give credit where credit is due--Thanks again to all of my 4,563,423,627.33333 Feed Readers--you guys wouldn't be where you are without me.


The greater part of this celebration, however, is what I will give to all of you, my loyal readership (and any new traffic that Google is generously sending my way, due to my absolute mastery of search engine optimization). I have decided to do something that is rather unique, especially for an internet marketer that pulls in boatloads of cash without even hardly waking up in the morning. I'm going to use this 50th post to give back to the internet marketing community; I'm going to "spill the beans" here and expose some of the most death-defying, all-encompassing, hyper-extending, lethal-weapon-wielding, hyphenated-word-describing money making methods ever known to mankind, and even some select animal species.


But don't let these extremely overly superlatively descriptive words fool you. I'm going to show you my bare-bones, cut-and-dry, to-the-core, no-nonsense traffic generating methods that have allowed me to reach the prestigious level of 8th Degree Google Black Belt. But before I do that, let me first give you a little history.


I had heard from several of the A-list bloggers in the "make money online" niche that you have to write "pillar posts" if you want to really bring in the big bucks and make your blog make money. I mistakenly thought that they were saying "pillow posts", and so I created a blog that described all different types of couch pillows, throw pillows, memory foam pillows, and so forth. I found out quickly that this wasn't the case. They actually meant "PILLAR" posts, as in something that stands as a memorial or a landmark, solid as a rock, like a large column on a big building. I fully intend on this post being one that will go down in history; one that you will one day sit around the fireplace with your grandchildren and recount with a warm sense of joy in your heart. And I can think of no better topic to memorialize in a post than how to increase the amount of incoming traffic to your blog.


So, with that having been said, it's time to make history with...


50 Money Making Ways to Increase Traffic to Your Blog


1. Write letters to all of your friends asking them to visit your website. Include a flyer with your URL printed on it.


2. Hire a pilot to skywrite your URL.


3. Hire another pilot to fly a plane with a trailing banner that has your website printed on it. NOTE: Only use your top-level domain; anything else will be way too long to print on a banner.


4. Climb to the top of a mountain and send smoke signals in the shape of your URL.


5. Send your URL via morse code to all of the submarines in the U.S. Navy. This will hopefully garner those ever-valuable "dot mil" backlinks.


6. Go streaking during the halftime show at your local high school's football game. Make sure to hold up a sign with your URL written on it.


7. Call a meeting with all of the shoeshine boys in your state and tell them to give your URL as the latest "hot internet tip".


8. Go to your local news stations, tell them you were Paris Hilton's boyfriend/girlfriend, and then tell them they can read all about it at your website.


9. Attend the PGA tour, stay within eyeshot of the camera, and hold up a sign with your URL on it, right beside the guy with the "John 3:16" sign.


10. Take a trip to Pedro Escebedo (in Mexico) during Easter, and stand right beside the crying statue of the Virgin Mary holding a sign with your URL printed on it. You'll have thousands of onlookers clamoring to visit your blog.


11. Spray-paint your URL on any famous tourist landmark, such as the Statue of Liberty or the Washington Monument.


12. Hire a pyrotechnics expert to create a bundle of fireworks that will explode into the shape of your URL. Make sure to launch them at the most popular 4th of July fireworks display in your town.


13. Post a suicide note on your blog and then kill yourself. Downside: Can only be done once.


14. Sneak into your local Chinese restaurant and replace their fortune cookies with cookies that all have your URL printed on the paper inside.


15. Stand in the middle of Times Square and hold a sign with your URL printed on it. This is way more effective if you scream expletives the entire time.


16. Become a contestant on "Jeopardy" and write your URL as the answer to the Final Jeopardy clue.


17. Plummet off the edge of Niagra Falls in a kayak with your URL painted on the hull.


18. Become a contestant on "Wheel of Fortune" and shout your URL as the phrase that solves the puzzle.


19. Enter as a contestant on "American Idol" and tell Ryan Seacrest that everyone has to vote for you by visiting your website.


20. Google bomb your URL for the term "Mariah Carey". Easy traffic here.


21. While you're at it, pay Mariah Carey to create a song with your URL in the chorus.


22. Find a way to get a hold of the master copy of the S.A.T. test, and print your URL in the top-right corner. Once the test is mass-distributed, you'll get a TON of teenage traffic.

23. Steal a copy of the President's State of the Union speech, and insert your website address into a couple of key spots. Before he even knows it, he'll be promoting your website to the entire country on national TV!

24. Hire a team of Navy S.E.A.L.s and have them conduct a clandestine operation to break into the home of every person in the U.S. who has a computer, and then have each member of this crack team log on & visit your site. This will give you tons of hits from unique IP's all across the country.

25. Pay Oprah's broadcast producer to insert your URL into the teleprompter text a couple of times. There's no greater traffic magnet than having "Oprah juice".

26. While you're at it, write a 150-page book with nothing but your URL on every page, and then have Oprah promote it to her Book Club.

27. Pay Dr. Wayne Dyer to sprinkle his esoteric spiritual talks with your URL a couple of times. This will help you draw the ever-important personal development traffic.

28. Get John Chow to review your site.

29. Get Darren Rowse of ProBlogger to promote your site on his feed...he's the only person I know with more feed readers than me.

30. While I'm thinking about it, don't forget the basics I taught you a long time ago about linking to ProBlogger. Do this and your traffic is guaranteed.

31. Create list posts, like this one. Don't go for 50, though...this crap is TEDIOUS.

32. Deep link every single word in your make money online posts much like I did with this one.

33. Put your URL as a reference link for every single topic on Wikipedia.

34. Get Google to put a link to your URL on their home page, right under the search bar. Tell them it's for some environmental cause, and you'll be a shoe-in.

35. Do the same for Yahoo.

36. Then do the same for MSN.

37. Convince the U.S. Postal Service to create a stamp with your URL on it. Talk about insane amounts of exposure!

38. Fake your own abduction by a UFO. Leave a note telling everyone that the aliens will only reveal your location through your website.

39. Sponsor a Village People reunion concert and hang a banner behind center stage with your URL plastered all over it. I mentioned the power of the Village People in a previous post about how to make millions online with Clickbank--you would do well to take heed to that advice.

40. Follow the traffic-pulling method I outlined when I talked about about making your blog make money with Shoemoney and John Chow.

41. Go on Dancing with the Stars and wear some tight bell-bottomed slacks with your URL embroidered on both back pockets. Note: This will not work if you are not a star.

42. Convince your local newspaper to edit their crossword puzzle so that every clue spells out your URL.

43. Persuade your local Wal-Mart greeter to wear a hanging sign with your URL printed on it.

44. Work closely with your local Girl Scouts chapter to sell cookies with your URL drizzled on the top in fudge.

45. Convince the CIA to broadcast ultrasonic radio waves giving people the subliminal instruction to visit your website.

46. The next time Paris Hilton goes to jail, be SOMEWHERE near the action, holding a sign with your URL printed on it. You'll get tons of media coverage by default.

47. Legally change your name to your URL. This will force people to think about your website every time they think about you.

48. One word: Spam. No, not the unsolicited commercial email you're thinking of, I'm talking about getting back to the real thing; Create a partnership with Spam (the canned meat product) and ask them to put your URL on their label in exchange for placing a Spam advertising banner on your site.

49. Create your own search engine and have your website listed as number one for every single search result. Check out SteadyPhil's Search Engine as an example.

50. Repeat each of the above steps twice to give you 100 money making ways to generate MAD traffic to your blog!!!

How Does a Blog Make Money Online?

How Does a Blog Make Money? The Answer -- No Guts, No Glory

There are a lot of people in the "make money online blogging" world that don't have the slightest clue about how to make a blog make money. As a matter of fact, they wouldn't know a money making blog if it hopped up to them on a pogo stick and slapped them in the left eye with a wet fish. In a previous post I've already given you 5 reasons why your blog sucks and won't make any money and how mine will earn easy money online--it's really simpler than you think.

Of course, since I'm rolling with only the most elite internet marketers in the blogosphere, I share the same testimonial (sworn, mind you) of simply stumbling upon the money making secrets that have turned me into a multi-millionaire, really without even trying. At one point, I pulled in $35,678.65 in three hours from my Paypal account and I don't think I was even breathing. I was going for the Guinness World Record on how long I could hold my breath, and sure enough, while I was setting a new world record (yet another income stream there), my Paypal account balance had jumped over 30 grand in just 3 hours. Now why, you ask, was I trying to break a breath-holding world record? Simple, my friend...when you have so much money that you simply don't know what to do with your time, and everything is boring to you, you have nothing left to do but set world records in obscure categories.

All of this is leading me to this point: If you really want to make big cash online, you have to be bold enough and brave enough to do whatever it takes to get the job done. I already told you about the power of using guerrilla money making tactics to earn money online. While I'm thinking about it, if you want a quick primer on everything you need to know to create multiple revenue streams online, simply browse through the archives of this site and feast upon the savory hunks of money making wisdom that spatter from my spittle. If you do this, you will not only gain priceless knowledge, but it will also help me to not have to disguise the extremely obvious deep linking I'm doing with this post.

It doesn't matter what method you choose to make cash online--it can be through an ebook marketing plan (boy are THOSE lucrative), free paid surveys, electronic publishing, squid doo-doo peddling, various internet marketing services, or simply long tail keyword stuffing such as what I'm doing right now. The common denominator to all of this is the fact that if you don't summon the courage to make big money online, you're going to fail.

So how do you get this courage? I recommend you do one thing and one thing only: Make a list of 20 things you need to do to summon this courage, and then go out and DO 'EM!!! Go get 'em! Don't hand me any excuses, just do it!

If you feel like my instructions are vague, ambiguous, and mostly useless, you have just entered the realm of the ultimate internet marketing gurus. That's all you have to do to continue to reap massive online profits in whatever home based business you choose! Simply create an ebook that gives out instructions that almost NO ONE can follow, promise the whole world but then deliver a cupcake, and then set it all up through Clickbank to really make it happen. Once you do this, you will truly know the satisfaction of seeing your blog make money online!