Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Make $5,472.97 a Day Using the Inverse Funnel Cake System!

Make Money with the Inverse Funnel Cake System

Take a good look at the image above.

Now take another good look.

Just a funnel cake, you say. An American favorite at carnivals, ballparks and fairs. The cheap fodder of festival folklore.

To the untrained eye, that would be an obvious assumption.

But for those of us who know how to make money with MacGyver-esque skills, the funnel cake you see above is your ticket to unimaginable wealth.

You see, there is a little-known money making system known as the Inverse Funnel Cake System. This system is not to be confused with any reverse-funnel systems that may be out on the market...this one actually uses real funnel cake to rake in thousands of dollars of profits per day!!!

The premise is simple, but powerful; all you have to do is follow the three steps below:

Step One: Hire a team of 500 like-minded entrepreneurs, each with their own funnel cake business.

Step Two: Send those bad boys out into the field!!! Charge a $1,000 placement fee to put them in the most prime carnival locations across the country.

Step Three: Charge a 5% royalty for every funnel cake sold...you've just made yourself a multi-millionaire, my friend! End of story!

So you see, your options are not just limited to making money online. You can use an all-American favorite to pull in a plethora of prodigious profits as well!

Friday, February 22, 2008

You Have Just Entered Moneytown - - Population: Me

There's an old saying that says if you want to be successful at something (especially making money online), find someone who is already successful at it and simply copy what they did, and you should get the same results.

That works in most cases...but when you're a money making genius such as myself, it's almost impossible to duplicate exactly what I do; there's simply too many mental gymnastics involved for the average lay-person to keep up.

So, I have tried to simplify the ultra-complex processes and procedures that I employ and boil my thousands of money-making ideas down to a very straightforward formula that anyone can use to create thousands, if not MILLIONS, of dollars in mere seconds online. I call this method the Cash-Accelerating Systematic Hyper-Cash Overdrive Wondermoneymaker, or C.A.S.H. C.O.W. for short. I have outlined it below in my three-step process:

Step 1: Go to Genealogy.com and change your ancestry. Choose from among the Vanderbilts, Rothschilds, or Rockefellers.

Step 2: As soon as Step 1 has been completed, you're already seriously in the money. As a matter of fact, I'm going to stop right there. That's really all you need; a basic internet connection and a complete change of your family lineage. Nothing could be simpler.

Just think; this is only one example of my power-packed plethora of profit-pulling principles...feel free to look at the archives from 2007 as well as January of this year for more examples of the super-genius money making techniques that I have perfected. Also, keep tuning in for more money making methodologies in future posts--if you're not a multi-billionaire internet marketing mogul such as myself, you literally can't afford to miss it.

Monday, February 18, 2008

5 Reasons Why Your Blog Sucks and Won't Make Any Money and My Blog Rocks and Will Make Millions

Anyone can put some crappy blog together, hoping that they will make tons of money through different ad networks, affiliate marketing, etc. But it takes more than just a crappy blog, a dollar and a dream to make tons of money blogging. You have to have a blog that ROCKS, and at least a MILLION dollars and a dream.

So here's the five main reasons why your blog probably sucks and mine rocks...hopefully you'll learn from them and use them to change your evil ways:

1. Because I said so. This is the true definition of an authority site. Your blog sucks because I said it does, and mine rocks because I said it does. All the rest is just trivial details, but please read on anyway.

2. You don't link gratuitously to http://steadyphil.blogspot.com.

3. You don't link even more gratuitously to ProBlogger and Perry Marshall. Haven't you learned anything by now? Read up on my posts about the benefits of linking to ProBlogger and Perry Marshall.

4. You haven't employed the I. D.O.N.'T. S.U.C.K. method of making money online. Consequently, you DO suck. Come on, people...Once again, this is not rocket math.

5. You don't deep link enough to your previous posts. I have subtly but yet successfully linked to a butt-load of my earlier posts in this small but power-packed post.

Even though your blog sucks, I would still encourage you to use the techniques I have described above to maybe improve that hopeless pile of crap you're calling a "make money online blog". And when you do, please link to me so that I can revel in my money making mastery!!!

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Make Money Online without a Website, a Product, a Computer, or Even a Pulse!

Yes, you can make money online without worrying about any of those trivial details such as having a computer, having a website, having a product, or even being online at all. As a matter of fact, YOU CAN MAKE MONEY ONLINE WITHOUT EVEN MAKING MONEY ONLINE!!!

As with most money-making methods, this is a carefully-guarded secret that has been passed down through a elite group of internet entrepreneurs since 1995. It's actually so secret that I don't even fully know the method. I have discovered and implemented only certain fragments of it, still with extraordinary results. Once quick example: I was able once to generate $3,576,822.87 online while SLEEPWALKING. Yeah...it's that serious.

Since it is such a lucrative method, I can only reveal one aspect of the fragment of the method that I do know of. Here it is: Read everything you can find by Perry Marshall.

That's all I can give you. More than likely, I'll just have to resort to revealing the more "plain vanilla" money making methods to my readership from now on. I hate to do this, but with such nuclear-meldown-producing profit potential of the more "secret" methods, I have to make this world a safer place by reserving those money making methods only for those of us who will use these powers for good, and not for evil.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Make Barrels of Money Clipping Coupons

Grab the scissors and get ready to ROCK. You don't even know making money until you know how to execute this cash-flow-producing stealth maneuver.

You can bring in TONS of cash through a little-known technique known as coupon-clipping-and-redemption.

Have you seen on the back of your average grocery store coupon, where it says "Redemption Value: 1/100th of a cent"? There's your ticket to wealth right there! Here's a four-step process to raking in a convulsion-producing amount of money through redeeming all of those grocery store coupons that nobody wants:

1. Gather up at least 5,347,893 coupons worth 1/100th of a cent apiece.

2. Get incorporated as a grocery store; don't be afraid to be creative with the name of your business! Don't settle for "ABC Grocery"; come up with something that will really sound convincing.

3. Send the coupons to the appropriate manufacturers so that you can get the proper credit for each coupon; make sure that the manufacturers make the check out to your new creative grocery store name!

4. Sit back and wait for those fat checks to roll in!!!

Who said that there was no other way to rake in the dough except by making money online? I've just shown you the golden key to offline wealth--so crank up the scissors, my friend!

Friday, February 8, 2008

Making Money Online is Not Rocket Math

Any raving idiot can make huge amounts of money online if they just follow the right path. The key is to find other idiots that have made tons of money online and duplicate their efforts.

Being an idiot is deceptively difficult, though. You have to be able to not understand things and not comprehend things, so that you can remain blissfully ignorant, and thereby increase your chances of stumbling upon the perfect money making formula. From most of the "make money online" internet marketing sites I have reviewed, this is the one trait they all have in common; the ability to stumble upon amazing secret cash-generating techniques that have only been accessed by a few elite money-making internet moguls.

So don't ever let anyone tell you that you can't make thousands of dollars a day online by stumbling upon the carefully-guarded wealth-building secrets of the internet power-gods. After all, it's not rocket math.