Sunday, December 30, 2007

Making Mind-Boggling Money with Google AdWords

Google Adsense has an evil twin sister named Google AdWords. Together they make up the Wonder Twin dynamic duo of online profit generation. AdWords differs quite a bit from Adsense, mainly due to the capital outlay necessary to get AdWords going. Adsense is free to add to any qualifying site, but AdWords is actually a Pay Per Click marketing campaign tool (read: you gotta spend money to get it going).

If you're expecting to get some major tips on making Google AdWords work from this site, baby, keep on clicking. I don't know Jack Diddley about AdWords. But, just as Darren Rowse of ProBlogger rules the blogosphere in the arena of blogging tips, so does Perry Marshall rule in the Google AdWords arena.

So, I have instituted a new rule: I will now link to Perry Marshall just as much (if not more) than I've been linking to ProBlogger. Don't be surprised if you start seeing Perry Marshall links springing up all over the doggone place. I may even do a post about curry chicken recipes, and throw a Perry Marshall link in there for good measure. So, be on the lookout for more links to come.

In conclusion, my primary objective of this post has been accomplished: I have successfully linked to ProBlogger yet once more, and I have found a new target for my arbitrary links in Perry Marshall. Kudos to both for giving me some new online money making material to write about!

Saturday, December 29, 2007

SEO--White Hat or Black Hat?

True internet marketers know that you have to understand Search Engine Optimization (SEO) in order to really make money online. SEO, however, is a convoluted, hairy beast that will eat you alive without a second thought. There are basically two major "schools" of SEO: White Hat and Black Hat.

With each of these schools, their methods for optimizing search positions varies greatly, and the way that they generate traffic also varies greatly. But the major concern I want to focus on is the actual difference between the hat colors.

White hats really aren't fashionable for hardly anything nowadays. If you wear a white top hat, you're really more suited for Vaudeville plays than for making money online. White baseball hats are okay, but they can get dirty very easily, and can turn from white hats to dingy brown hats in a flash. It's just easier to keep a darker-colored hat looking good over a longer period of time than a white hat.

Black hats would be my preference, because again, they're more maintenance-free. Plus, if you accidentally spill something on it (this is harder to do when you're actually wearing it), you'll be able to cover it up better.

The only drawback to doing SEO the Black Hat way is if you wore a black top hat, like Dudley Moore did in that 80's movie "Arthur"; this would be WAY out of style. But again, due to the stain-covering factor, Black Hat may ultimately be the way to go.

In summary, try both hats every now and will largely depend on your outfit. Doing this will detonate a cataclysmic concussion blast of online profit generation that will melt your skull with bone-crushing cash flow!!!

Friday, December 28, 2007

The 4 Money-Losing Mistakes That Most Bloggers Make, and How You Can Avoid Them

The blogging world is filled with landmines, setbacks, obstacles, trackbacks, and even humpbacks. As you mature in your online money making career, it is necessary for you to learn how to navigate through these various challenges successfully.

The online money making world is a very unforgiving one, and the learning curve is steep for bloggers in particular. If you don't have somewhat of a mastery of the basic trade secrets ("trade craft skills" as they say in the CIA), it can suck dollars out of your pocket like a demon-possessed vacuum cleaner.

With that in mind, I have compiled a list of four money-losing mistakes that most bloggers make, and a brief synopsis of each. Take heed to this list; digest it, and determine rather to die in a tragic nuclear explosion than to make any one of these four mistakes.

Mistake # 1: Not putting enough ads on your site. If it's one thing people want, it's a ton of ads screaming at them 24/7 while they're visiting your blog. Advertise hard. Advertise to infinity. Join every Tom, Dick, and Harry ad network that you can find and place text link ads, banner ads, skyscraper ads, pop-up ads, pop-under ads, interstitial ads (which I'm told has something to do with matching people's interests with their superstitious beliefs), and a ridiculous amount of widgets on your site, almost to the neglect of your content, if need be. This way, people will know that you're an authority, as evidenced by the amount of sponsorship you've been able to garner.

Mistake # 2: Writing short, concise posts. Who wants to read some kind of Scooby-snack of an article? Make your posts long, deliberate, borderline boring, and at least 3000 words, whenever you can manage to do so. Remember, "a super-long post is a super-strong post". I would personally love to abide by this rule all the time, but I have so many other time obligations (mainly the time it takes to count all the money I'm making online) that these shorter posts are the best I can do.

Mistake # 3: Not blogging about Paris Hilton. Even if you've been living under a rock for the past decade, you should still know that Paris Hilton is a HUGE traffic-builder. Just sprinkle her name throughout your posts, and you'll have more money-pulling traffic than you can shake a stick at.

Mistake # 4: Not linking to ProBlogger. I have covered the importance of this in my post 5 Reasons Why I'm Linking to ProBlogger in This Post. I may end up winning an award for the most links to ProBlogger in one individual blog or something. If this happens, I will simply link to ProBlogger twenty more times to show my appreciation.

Absorb these truths and let them guide you in your online money making journey. Then, just kick back and watch the tsunami of online profits roll in!

Thursday, December 27, 2007

How a Stupid, Half-Insane IDIOT with Absolutely NO Business Skills, NO Money, NO Friends, and NO Birth Certificate Made BILLIONS from Google AdWords!

That's right! This guy REALLY knows how to make money online!

You won't believe it, and you SHOULDN'T!

But at the same time, you know that deep down, you wish it were true, so that you could believe that there might be some hope for you.

Well, according to the guy that made BILLIONS from Google AdWords, it IS true! And he will tell you himself!

Remember...he's HALF-INSANE!!!

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Make Money Online the MacGyver Way--With a Rubber Band, a Match, and Three Paper Clips

Make Money Online Using Your Powers of Absolute Genius

I've always been amazed at the intellectual horsepower that MacGyver displayed on the show that bore his namesake. Who else do you know could create a surface-to-air missile with two shoe horns & a broken wristwatch?

The more I thought about MacGyver's inventive techniques for getting things done, the more I realized how it could apply to making money online. As a matter of fact, I have actually converted one of his methods for creating a makeshift compass into a secret technique that pulls in buttloads of online profits. Here it is, broken down step-by-step, a moneymaking formula that will ignite a hurricane of dollar-clocking mind-melting profits that will make your friends idolize you and your enemies want to spit on you:

Materials Needed: 1 Rubber Band, 1 Match, and 3 Standard-Size Paper Clips

Step 1: Print off all of the post archives from Darren Rowse's ProBlogger site. This will take you approximately 5 years. Once it's done, however, use the rubber band to wrap all of the archives up into one neat stack. It's going to have to be one whale of a rubber band, but you can find quality rubber bands on eBay; I have included my affiliate link to the best rubber band offerings right here.

Step 2: Strike the match and burn the entire stack to ashes. If you're still using printed materials, you're not ready to make any money online. You're way better off reading all of the archives on the ProBlogger site, at (For more information about the ridiculously gratuitious links to ProBlogger, see my post entitled 5 Reasons Why I'm Linking to ProBlogger in This Post. It's all about strategy, baby.)

Step 3: Link the 3 paper clips together to make a miniature "chain". This chain has no functional purpose, i.e., pulling anything or holding anything together, but it is simply a visual reminder of my 3-point plan to make extravagant amounts of money online, as mentioned in my first ever post. What an excellent visual symbol of the perfect online money-making strategy.

Once you have taken these three steps, and FULLY executed them (no half-stepping here), you will begin to experience a typhoon of tantalizing perennial profits that will draw a drool-inspiring dreamland of cold cash to your fingertips!!!

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

No Official Post Today...

I'm taking a break from making money online today.

Just spending time with the family. Enjoy yours as well.

Merry Christmas to all!

And don't forget to visit ProBlogger.

Monday, December 24, 2007

It Was Either This or Being an Abercrombie & Fitch Model

Make Money Online, or Make Money Looking Good?

There comes a time in every man's life where the hard decisions have to be made; this time in my life was just recently, at the beginning of this month. After being at a crossroads for a considerable amount of time, I finally decided to relinquish my future career as a billboard model for Abercrombie & Fitch, and pursue my true calling as a doggone good money making blogger.

I feel that this is the best move, since my wife has already confirmed my good looks (see item number 1 on my "10 Reasons" post), and that's all the validation I'll ever need in that department.

So, having made a clean break from my stud-muffin duties, I can now focus 100% on generating online income through this blog, and other online ventures as well.

Another arbitrary link to ProBlogger won't hurt right here either.

And if you happen to be looking for any Abercrombie & Fitch apparel, check out the latest offerings on eBay by clicking here.

Or here.

And you can also click here for the exact same thing.

Merry Money Making Christmas to all!!!

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Saturday, December 22, 2007

I'm Joining Every Doggone Affiliate Program I Can Find!

A revenue-generating strategy is a must for any person who wants to make money on the Web. In perfect harmony with my S.M.A.R.T. method of profit generation, and building on top of my 3-point plan as a foundation for making money online, I have developed the "Buckshot Revenue Generation Strategy" (pronounced "Brrrgus").

This is a proprietary strategy built on the premise of scattered efforts...quite similar to the "throw mud at a wall & see what sticks" strategy. Just as a sawed-off shotgun shoots buckshot with force but no focus, so will my efforts be in monetizing this blog. After all, who are we to think that we can nail online revenue generation down to an exact science anyway? All those analytics, stats, etc...that stuff is for the birds. My advice? Just sign up for as many doggone affiliate programs out there as you possibly can, and hope for the best. This is the true key to online wealth.

With this in mind, I have begun my foray into the world of affiliate marketing by signing up as an eBay affiliate through Commission Junction. I had no idea that there were so many online companies that had affiliate programs until I checked out the members' area of Commission Junction. I randomly picked as another potential partner. I thought the sign-up was going to be fully automated, but I found out that has to manually review your site before they approve you to be an affiliate. Bid me Godspeed on this one, ladies & me Godspeed.

P.S.: As part of my random strategy, I have included an affiliate link for anyone that would be interested in buying any vintage Apple or Macintosh computing products...just click here to go straight to them on eBay...just another way for me to make tons of money online!

Friday, December 21, 2007

The S.M.A.R.T. Way to Make Truckloads of Cash Online

Make Money Online the S.M.A.R.T. Way

Just like pink is the new black, acronyms are the new words.

I was thinking about a quick, handy acronym I could use to remind me of my money-making strategy online, and like a flash, it came to me. This acronym reveals some of my top trade secrets, so consider yourself privileged to even have access to it. I could easily create a digital product out of this and sell copies of it on Clickbank for $39.95 apiece, but as many internet marketing gurus claim as well, I want to make this available to the general public because I'm tired of seeing the "little guy" struggle while the fat-cats get all the cash.

That having been said, I hope that you'll be able to glean from the priceless wisdom that has been bestowed upon me by the Fates of the Blogosphere, by way of the acronym entitled "S.M.A.R.T."

To create money-making content that will pull traffic to your site like an explosive rapid-fire nuclear magnet, remember that you have to create content that is...






Again, your content must be Superb, Monetizable, Affiliateable, RSS-able Text. If this isn't pure internet marketing genius, I don't know what is. When you use the S.M.A.R.T. way, you're almost guaranteed to profit extravagantly in your online ventures. People will fall over themselves, foam at the mouth, and DROOL at having even a remote chance of whipping out their credit cards to buy what you're offering. And they'll be doggone happy that they did.

This, in combination with my 3-point plan to make ridiculous amounts of money online, is the sure-fire way to explode your profits and cause a mass nuclear fallout of brain-sizzling cash flow!!!

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Make Money in 95 Years!!!

I signed up with a company today that enables you to make money reading email...due to Google's AdSense Program Policies I cannot reveal nor promote the name of the program, but suffice it to say, it rhymes with "Slick Fence" that will be our code word for this company for the duration of this post.

I found out that you actually get paid one cent for each email advertisement that you view. It's a very simple log in to the site, click a button to begin viewing ads, and as long as the ad remains on your screen for a minimum of 30 seconds, your account is credited with one penny.

I did some simple math on this concept, and found out that the wealth-building potential of "Slick Fence" is mind-boggling. Check this out...
  • The company pays you $0.01 for each ad you view, and you can view an ad every 30 seconds, so that's a potential to make 2 cents per minute if you're really cranking these ads out back-to-back.
  • Keep this up non-stop for a solid hour, and you've just pocketed $1.20, my friend.
  • All you have to do at this point is keep viewing the ads back-to-back without sleeping, eating, going to the bathroom, or any other non-essential activity. This will yield you a whopping $28.80 in a 24-hour period. But...don't head to the Maserati dealership just yet...
  • After 95 solid years of doing nothing but clicking on these ads from "Slick Fence" non-stop, and viewing them for at least 30 seconds apiece, you will hit the million-dollar mark in commissions for this admirable feat. So my advice to you is, sign up with "Slick Fence" ASAP, and then get-to-clicking! You can enter into millionaire status by the year 2102!!! Now that's the way to make money online!

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

5 Blogging Tips for Beginners

Make Money Online - 5 Blogging Tips for Beginners

Studies have shown that there is a new blog created almost every second of the day. How they figured this out, I have no idea. But if there's one thing I know, it's blogging, baby. Just look at my post history and you will see the extensive knowledge base that I have to offer. And for anyone out there that is just now embarking on their own personal journey to start a blog, I offer the following tips that can hopefully aid you in your new money making blogging adventure:

(1) Question your sanity. Why in the WORLD would you even want to do such a thing as blogging? Heck, I don't really know what drives me to do it either, and yet I still do it. As a matter of fact, I don't know of a blogger that fully has his/her head on straight to begin with. Maybe this tilted view of their world is the very impetus that compels them to blog about it in the first place.

(2) Tap into the infinite creative energies of the omniversal subconscious polarized mindmeld. This makes absolutely no sense, but it sounds very deep, so if you have to ask what I mean, you're not "in the know", and the collective energies of the universe are against you, my friend. Find another line of work before it's too late.

(3) Watch Cosby Show reruns. This has nothing to do with blogging, but it just gives you that warm fuzzy feeling, which is an important building block to improving your self-esteem. And as we all know, a blogger insecure makes a dead blog for sure.

(4) Read and memorize everything on Wikipedia. Notice I didn't specify a category...I mean EVERYTHING on Wikipedia. This will definitely come in handy if you're confused about what topic to blog about, because now you will have a complete storehouse of information to choose from...right in your own mind. Now tell me that's not powerful.

(5) Link to ProBlogger. I guess I should back up and tell you to read ProBlogger first, and then make a decisive effort to link to ProBlogger like your life depended on it. See my post
5 Reasons Why I'm Linking to ProBlogger in This Post for a more thorough explanation of this powerful principle. Then pray for a reciprocal link. Pray like a madman. Maybe the Fates of the Blogosphere will one day shift fortune in your favor. But, no matter what happens, NEVER underestimate the power of ProBlogger.

It is my hope that you will be able to take these 5 tips and establish yourself in the blogosphere, so that one day, you too can rake in butt-loads of cash like I do. Until next time...keep making money online!

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Make Money Running a Nude Marathon in a Viking Helmet

Can you make money running a nude marathon in a Viking helmet? I honestly don't know if this can actually be done, but it makes a heck of a funny post title. There are a couple of possibilities, like if your friends bet you to do something like this at your local 5K or whatever. If you actually follow through with it, you've got a whole lot more guts than I do.

I guess when it boils down to it, the monetization of nude marathons with viking helmets is somewhat limited...stick to affiliate programs and AdSense.

Monday, December 17, 2007

5 Reasons Why I'm Linking to ProBlogger in This Post

In order to make money online with your blog, you must implement a good linking strategy; it's vital to the overall health of your blog. How do I know this? Because Blogger's Help files tell me so.

So, in light of this, I'm linking to Darren Rowse's ProBlogger like crazy. Mr. Rowse may one day thank me for it when he sees such a prominent blog presence as myself linking to ProBlogger.

Is there a method to my madness? Yeah, you could say so; but I'm not going to tell you here...I'd rather have you check out my list of the top 5 reasons why I'm linking to ProBlogger like an insane man.

(1) ProBlogger is actually good for your health. In a private clinical study, a control group of 50 bloggers-to-be were instructed to read a collection of Darren Rowse's posts on Google AdSense. Cholesterol levels in each of the participants were reported to have dropped, and a greater overall sense of energy and well-being was felt by all.

(2) There are ancient secrets hidden in the archives of ProBlogger. Legend has it that the location of King Solomon's mines is revealed somewhere in the 2005 archives, but it's still the subject of much speculation.

(3) Darren Rowse is actually God disguised as an Australian blogger. Who better to learn blogging tips from than the inventor of blogs Himself?

(4) The amount of text on ProBlogger, if printed out and laid end-to-end, would wrap around the Earth twenty-seven-and-a-half times. Enough said.

(5) It was either ProBlogger or the Rock-Paper-Scissors Tournament. Both items are of great interest to me, but ProBlogger was far better from a strategic standpoint.

Blog on, my friends. Blog on to make more money. For the love of everything sacred, blog on.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Organic SEO 101

Man, how I love to make money blogging online. There was a time when I loved to make money selling online, but now I love to make money while surfing. Making money reading emails can be an easy way to make money via internet. Sometimes I enjoy make money while you sleep, while other times it's better to make money top ways. If you're clever enough, you can make money tax lien, make money with Paypal, make money with stocks, make money with no investment, or make money with online auctions. In order to make money with video, you must make money with domain names. In the summer my family would make money with ebooks, while I would stay in the kitchen and make money easy quick. I saw this great movie where make money more online working. Me make instant money long time.

Keep on tuning in...this make money online internet blog will rock you like a hurricane.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

10 Reasons Why I KNOW I'll Make Tons of Money Online

There are a lot of variables that come into play when you endeavor to make money online. One of the first things you must do is take a full inventory of the qualities, talents, attributes, etc. that you have that can position you to be successful in making money online.

I took some time today to do a personal assessment, and I made note of the top 10 attributes that fully qualify me to rake in bazillions of dollars per week via internet marketing. So, without any further adieu, here they are...

(1) My wife thinks I'm handsome. This is a HUGE confidence builder, and it convinces me that I have more than enough good looks to get the job done while making money online.

(2) I love spaghetti. Marinara sauce, due to its high tomato content, contains lycopene, which is known for its brain-stimulating properties. These brain-stimulating properties feed me with a constant stream of ideas on how to make money blogging.

(3) The amount of water I drink. Due to the laws of water displacement, my brain is suspended in a floating state of cranial creativity. This allows me to think of more ways to make obscene amounts of money online.

(4) President Bush's endorsement. I haven't actually gotten this yet, but name-dropping like this increases traffic to my website, thus making me more & more money online.

(5) I have learned the fighting secrets of the Shaolin monks. This is somewhat of an ancillary skill in making money from the internet, but it comes in handy whenever I have to force people to buy my affiliate products.

(6) I am double-jointed in my left elbow. This unique characteristic enables me to type faster with my left hand, thus writing quicker posts overall, thus creating more content in a shorter time frame, thus making me tons of money from organic SEO.

(7) I love all music by Phil Collins. Just as he ruled the 80's, I plan on ruling the new millenium by making tons of cash online. Also, my name is Phil as well, so it's easy for search traffic from Phil Collins fans to be accidentally directed to me.

(8) Jesus rocks. And I truly believe He's gonna help me pull down tons of stone-cold cash from Google AdSense and affiliate programs. He's been ruling in the hip-hop arena too. If you doubt it, see how much He rocks right here.

(9) My history as a CIA operative. I can pull a few strings and have Google, Yahoo, and MSN rank me in first place from now until I say otherwise. But, I'll do my best to play fair for the time being.

(10) Thomas Edison clip art. Nuff said.

"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."

Friday, December 14, 2007

Making Extravagant Money Online with Absolutely No Effort, Including Breathing

Hello everyone:

I've always been a big fan of making money online. I like having money. You can do some things with money. And you pretty much need it to survive.
With that in mind, I offer you this blog to completely overload you with information about making money online. Many of the ideas presented will be somewhat unconventional, some will be complete bullcrap, but all will be, at the very least, entertaining.

In my mind this is the way most "internet marketers" work anyway. It's mostly just a bunch of bullcrap. So, I figured I would add to the "stank" a little more, except make it a little more fun.

So here's my three-point plan for making ridiculous amounts of money online:

(1) Write a bunch of stuff that a lot of people will (hopefully) want to read.

(2) Keep repeating step 1 until a lot of people turns into a WHOLE lot of people.

(3) Shamelessly monetize the CRAP out of this sucker all the way.

So there you have formula for making extravagant money online, without even the slightest effort on my part. Enjoy!