Make Serious Money Online by Being Extremely Serious

I have already covered the importance of intensity in your blog moneymaking endeavors. I have also covered the importance of not being conventional in your cash generating tactics (see my previous post for more on that one). One thing that I have failed to touch on as of yet is the importance of being serious when you're making money online. Although I've been known to be somewhat of a prankster, a joker, a space cowboy, and even the Gangster of Love (that's what some call me anyway), I take my online business very seriouser than most.

In order for you to make serious money online, you have to be extremely serious. There's no way around it. This is very similar to the concept of making asinine money online by creating asinine content (gloobeefoobie, anyone?). If you have noticed a trend here, or if this post seems to be a slightly altered version of the previous post, that's because it is. I am simply creating content that basically boils down to stupid crap, all designed to either make you laugh or bore you to tears. Either way it goes, I win, because at the end of the day, only a serious internet marketer such as myself would even have the courage to attempt such a thing. And again, it takes a serious person to even give something like this a try.

Here's the paragraph where I utilize long tail keywords such as online money making tips, multiple streams of income, earn money, and e books. This is an essential part of my butt-kicking SEO skills, which also require great seriousivity. If you're not ready to be as serious as a heart attack, a nervous system failure, or even a chain reaction of exploding brain cells, you're not ready to earn money online.

So how do you get this serious? Well, there's two primary ways you can get it done:

1. Ask one of your friends to take a baseball bat and whack you on the head very hard one good time. Ask him to aim for the left-rear section of your head. This should affect the area of your brain that regulates seriousness, thereby making you incapable of entertaining non-serious thoughts.

2. Ask another friend (or, heck, maybe the same one) to inject you with sodium pentathol (a.k.a. truth serum). This should eliminate all sarcasm, snappy comebacks, and humor-based statements, stripping away all aspects of communication that could cause you to not be serious, leaving only the capability for you to be serious.

Now that you have a large knot on your head and dope in your system, you're finally able to really focus on making money online. Don't hand me no wuss crap about how much the baseball bat hurt or that you "don't like needles"; you have to learn how to stop at nothing in your determination to make your blog make money. After all, that's what serious internet marketers do.

Make Money Online Faster Than a Bowlegged Squirrel on Crack!

Making Money Online at a Rapid and Even Rabid Pace

That's right, folks! I have just developed yet another money making system that can take anyone from being a complete worthless LOSER that deserves to be dragged out in the street, shot 49 times, and thrown off a CLIFF into a mega-cool WINNER that rakes in so much money online, they'll be able to wipe their DOG'S BUTT with hundred-dollar bills!!!

Trust me when I say, this is different than many of the systems and methods I have detailed in past posts, such as the S.M.A.R.T. way to make money online, or the I. D.O.N.T. S.U.C.K. method of making money online. This system doesn't even have an acronym! It uses a combination of associate programs, affiliate programs, blog tips, some miscellaneous quotes from Derek Gehl, and some semi-vague references to working from home. It is a hodgepodge of sorts, but always remember that VARIETY is what is needed to make big money online.

So here's the basic layout of my super-secret cash making system:

1. Call the Better Business Bureau and ask them to grant you immunity to any complaints about your online business.

2. Join practically every affiliate program you can find. I don't care if it's an associate program that sells cat doo-doo, it's worth its salt if you value diversification.

3. Run a Google AdWords campaign on the phrase "make money online at the beach while sitting in a lawn chair with your laptop", and then make sure to link to Perry Marshall.

4. Monetize the above three steps by installing StatCounter, tracing each search visitor's IP address, back-tracing their phone numbers through a paid phone tracing service, cold calling every search visitor one-by-one, and asking them to buy your affiliate products that you were pushing through your AdWords campaign.

If you can't see the ridiculously HUGE potential of such money making secrets as described above, you must be a schizophrenic brain-dead dimwit!!!

Now, some people have claimed that these methods are borderline "black hat", but I tend to disagree. I haven't worn a black hat in years, so this could not be possible. They are simply "out of the box" methods that small-minded non-success-minded people will never be able to accept or grasp, simply for the fact that these people don't have a clue about making money online. So don't let the simplicity of these methods fool you...put them to work and see if you don't start making big money online like me!!!

Make Money Online with Web 2.0, Web 3.0, Web 4.5, and Web 347.2

Make Money Online Using Web 2.0 and WAYYY More...


Unless you've been hiding under a rock for the past two years, you should know that the hottest way to make money online is with all of the new Web 2.0 technologies, such as social media marketing. If you can't Stumble Upon a way to Digg through what you've Reddit, then you'll Furl on some serious Del.icio.us Technorati-cal ways to Sphinn your Propeller.


Although I have done previous posts on some classical methods like using eBay to make money, there are tons of opportunities to make money online with some of the newer technologies that are available, a la Web 2.0. That's right, if you ain't hip to the newest Wordpress themes and plugins that are available, you don't know squat about making money on the internet. As a matter of fact, I almost feel like a pathetic doofus for using a Blogspot blog because they're so passe. I am obviously not cool enough yet to rake in the dough with the big dogs, so I'll just wallow in my Web 0.5 sorrow.


Sometimes when I think about the way that Web 2.0 has revolutionized internet marketing, I get a little peeved because I feel like I just can't catch up with all the new blogging resources that are available. So, instead of trying to follow the path that the Web 2.0'ers have made, I'm blazing my own trail--that's right, I'm kicking it up a notch like Emeril.


Make Money Online with Web 3.0--Screw Web 2.0!!!


One of the first monetization models I'll be rolling out is...yes, none other than Web 3.0. Just as Web 2.0 is all about social bookmarking, Web 3.0 is about social book-binding. The way it works is simple: You can become a bookbinding vendor for all of your friends' writing projects! Many of us know people who are trying to earn extra income through writing books, but they lack the technical expertise to get the job done. But that's where you come in. You'll take whatever writing project they have, get it paginated and saddle-stitched in two shakes of a lamb's tail, and the next thing you know, you're creating yet another stream of income for yourself!

Make Money Online with Web 4.5--Another Step Forward

Just like Web 3.0 is a model that blows the doors off of Web 2.0, I have actually unearthed a money making method known as Web 4.5--get ready now, because here's where the true internet marketing ninjas get their kicks.

For this reason, I can only reveal a very minute detail about Web 4.5, and it's simply this: Web 4.5 is such an improvement on Web 2.0, that it's actually DOUBLE of what Web 2.0 is, plus an extra 0.5 on top of it! This guarantees you to have double the online profits you would normally have. And in the case of internet marketing gurus like myself, that equals to about half of America's total Gross National Product.

But I haven't even enlightened you to one of the true money making strategies that have propelled me to online revenue generation greatness. It's the ultimate tool in my arsenal...and I call it:

Web 347.2!!!

Making money online with Web 347.2 is reserved for the most elite internet marketers only. You may find hints of it in various ebooks being sold on eBay, or in the latest affiliate program. Social media marketing can't even touch what these money making techniques can to. They are as unstable as plutonium, yet subtle as the wind. Put these strategies into the wrong hands, and you've got yourself a nuclear fallout. This is why I cannot disclose these money making secrets on this post. Just suffice it to say...they're bad to the bone. The world is simply not ready yet.

So, for the general safety and welfare of the public, I will stick to the strategies that employ Web 4.5 and below to make money online. Maybe one day society will have advanced enough for me to reveal them, but until them, I will continue to rake in the online profits behind the curtain.

5 Reasons Why Your Blog Sucks and Won't Make Any Money and My Blog Rocks and Will Make Millions

Anyone can put some crappy blog together, hoping that they will make tons of money through different ad networks, affiliate marketing, etc. But it takes more than just a crappy blog, a dollar and a dream to make tons of money blogging. You have to have a blog that ROCKS, and at least a MILLION dollars and a dream.

So here's the five main reasons why your blog probably sucks and mine rocks...hopefully you'll learn from them and use them to change your evil ways:

1. Because I said so. This is the true definition of an authority site. Your blog sucks because I said it does, and mine rocks because I said it does. All the rest is just trivial details, but please read on anyway.

2. You don't link gratuitously to http://steadyphil.blogspot.com.

3. You don't link even more gratuitously to ProBlogger and Perry Marshall. Haven't you learned anything by now? Read up on my posts about the benefits of linking to ProBlogger and Perry Marshall.

4. You haven't employed the I. D.O.N.'T. S.U.C.K. method of making money online. Consequently, you DO suck. Come on, people...Once again, this is not rocket math.

5. You don't deep link enough to your previous posts. I have subtly but yet successfully linked to a butt-load of my earlier posts in this small but power-packed post.

Even though your blog sucks, I would still encourage you to use the techniques I have described above to maybe improve that hopeless pile of crap you're calling a "make money online blog". And when you do, please link to me so that I can revel in my money making mastery!!!

A Quick But Powerful Cash-Manufacturing Blogging Tip

It's been said that writing shorter, more frequent posts that are laser-focused on making money online is better for your search engine rankings than laboring over long, 1000-words-or-more "pillar" posts. I figured that I would try the shorter post, but not change the frequency (still once a day, for the time being).

This translates into "I don't have the time nor inclination to write a meaningful post today, so this is all you're gonna get." I view this as the ultimate money-vacuuming strategy...always keep your audience guessing. You can never go wrong if you're never sure what the right thing to do is.

So, until tomorrow...making money with short posts ROCKS!!!

How to Not Suck at Making Money Online in 2008

The best way to rake in an eyeball-melting mound of online profits is to develop enough S.M.A.'s (Success-Minded Acronyms) to keep yourself motivated through the ups and downs of online business.

So, in addition to my S.M.A.R.T. method of online profit generation, as well as my Buckshot Revenue Generation Strategy (pronounced burrgus), I have developed an excellent acronym for the New Year to help you cultivate the "winner's mindset" that's necessary for massive online profits to come banging down your door.

The acronym is simply this: I. D.O.N.'T. S.U.C.K.

Each letter gives you an action point that will put you in the company of the elite online money-makers. Don't let the simplicity of the acronym fool you; these are carefully guarded trade secrets that will launch a load of latitudinous loot into your lap!!!

I = Incentivize: You have to give people a reason to visit your site. Give them as many false promises of huge amounts of money as you can. Disillusionment is good for them; it helps them build the type of character necessary to make tons of cheddar online.

D = Dominatize: Whatever niche you have entered into, it is your responsibility to dominate that niche to the point where your competition runs away with their tails tucked between their legs. Don't think small; think Pinky & The Brain style domination.

O = Oversize: Promote your money-making techniques to be much more powerful than they really are. People appreciate this type of insincerity, as it gives them the fuel to dream big dreams, which is what they really want to do anyway. Truth in advertising is really overrated.

N = Neutralize: The competition, that is. This is very similar to the "Dominatize" point above. Render them helpless. If they're saying you can make $10,000 a day, claim that your techniques can make $10,001 a day. This should sway tons of traffic towards your site.

T = Tributize: Pay tribute to those that have come before you, who have paved the way for you to make money online. In other words, link to ProBlogger and Perry Marshall.

S = Supersize: This is the exact same thing as the Oversize point above. I actually can't add anything to it. It's just a way to complete this extremely wisdom-laden acronym.

U = Usefulize: You have to make yourself useful in every way you can. You have to multi-task, delegate, prioritize, and legitimize. This makes no sense, but it's very official-sounding.

C = Capitalize: Are you a capitalist? Well, then, just be yourself.

K = Kitchenize: Throw everything into your online business, INCLUDING the kitchen sink. Remember, that's one of the tenets of the Buckshot Revenue Generation Strategy.

Again, take these powerful principles, integrate them into your online money making strategy, and watch the brain-rattling, spine-exploding, backflipping plethora of profits roll in like a demon-possessed Tonka truck!

How a Stupid, Half-Insane IDIOT with Absolutely NO Business Skills, NO Money, NO Friends, and NO Birth Certificate Made BILLIONS from Google AdWords!

That's right! This guy REALLY knows how to make money online!

You won't believe it, and you SHOULDN'T!

But at the same time, you know that deep down, you wish it were true, so that you could believe that there might be some hope for you.

Well, according to the guy that made BILLIONS from Google AdWords, it IS true! And he will tell you himself!

Remember...he's HALF-INSANE!!!

It Was Either This or Being an Abercrombie & Fitch Model

Make Money Online, or Make Money Looking Good?

There comes a time in every man's life where the hard decisions have to be made; this time in my life was just recently, at the beginning of this month. After being at a crossroads for a considerable amount of time, I finally decided to relinquish my future career as a billboard model for Abercrombie & Fitch, and pursue my true calling as a doggone good money making blogger.

I feel that this is the best move, since my wife has already confirmed my good looks (see item number 1 on my "10 Reasons" post), and that's all the validation I'll ever need in that department.

So, having made a clean break from my stud-muffin duties, I can now focus 100% on generating online income through this blog, and other online ventures as well.

Another arbitrary link to ProBlogger won't hurt right here either.

And if you happen to be looking for any Abercrombie & Fitch apparel, check out the latest offerings on eBay by clicking here.

Or here.

And you can also click here for the exact same thing.

Merry Money Making Christmas to all!!!