Saturday, May 31, 2008

Make Serious Money Online by Being Extremely Serious

I have already covered the importance of intensity in your blog moneymaking endeavors. I have also covered the importance of not being conventional in your cash generating tactics (see my previous post for more on that one). One thing that I have failed to touch on as of yet is the importance of being serious when you're making money online. Although I've been known to be somewhat of a prankster, a joker, a space cowboy, and even the Gangster of Love (that's what some call me anyway), I take my online business very seriouser than most.

In order for you to make serious money online, you have to be extremely serious. There's no way around it. This is very similar to the concept of making asinine money online by creating asinine content (gloobeefoobie, anyone?). If you have noticed a trend here, or if this post seems to be a slightly altered version of the previous post, that's because it is. I am simply creating content that basically boils down to stupid crap, all designed to either make you laugh or bore you to tears. Either way it goes, I win, because at the end of the day, only a serious internet marketer such as myself would even have the courage to attempt such a thing. And again, it takes a serious person to even give something like this a try.

Here's the paragraph where I utilize long tail keywords such as online money making tips, multiple streams of income, earn money, and e books. This is an essential part of my butt-kicking SEO skills, which also require great seriousivity. If you're not ready to be as serious as a heart attack, a nervous system failure, or even a chain reaction of exploding brain cells, you're not ready to earn money online.

So how do you get this serious? Well, there's two primary ways you can get it done:

1. Ask one of your friends to take a baseball bat and whack you on the head very hard one good time. Ask him to aim for the left-rear section of your head. This should affect the area of your brain that regulates seriousness, thereby making you incapable of entertaining non-serious thoughts.

2. Ask another friend (or, heck, maybe the same one) to inject you with sodium pentathol (a.k.a. truth serum). This should eliminate all sarcasm, snappy comebacks, and humor-based statements, stripping away all aspects of communication that could cause you to not be serious, leaving only the capability for you to be serious.

Now that you have a large knot on your head and dope in your system, you're finally able to really focus on making money online. Don't hand me no wuss crap about how much the baseball bat hurt or that you "don't like needles"; you have to learn how to stop at nothing in your determination to make your blog make money. After all, that's what serious internet marketers do.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Make Asinine Money Online--To the Point of Extreme Asininity

Don't listen to all these noobs out there with their cute little blogs trying to teach you how to make money online--most of the time they don't know what they're talking about. They've been involved in internet marketing for a grand total of three weeks and now all of a sudden they're ready to tell you all about how to make money fast...most of them can't even afford a popsicle on their Adsense earnings.

I have been in this game long enough to know what it takes to make tons of cash online. I have explained several cash generating methods and several money making secrets that are lost on the average web entrepreneur. I still have several techniques and methods in my deep bag of tricks that can make John Cougar Mellencamp cut a backflip over the Empire State Building while being chased by a half-insane man dressed as a monkey.

If you're like most people, you probably read that previous sentence and said--"WHAT???"

That's exactly my point...if you're ever going to separate yourself from the "blog make money online" crowd, you have to get a little asinine. Only when you get asinine can you expect to make asinine amounts of money online. As a matter of fact, gleeblefork gloobledookie gobble-gobble stupidhead flipperdoo jabberwockey ding-ding merry merry ha ha hoo hoo chizzleputty.

There it is again--keyword stuffing asinine words so that you can truly make asinine money online. If there's one thing I've learned about making money on the internet, it is the fact that you have to stand out from the crowd by saying something different. Not only have I done that with this and previous posts I've written, but I have taken it a step further with this post by writing complete gibberish. Blibby-blibby, stoopidhibby. Tookie-tookie, snook-falookie. Globber-globber, Google-snobber. Ultimately, these techniques will ensure that I will rule the make money online niche. Here's to your blooblefizzymuckyfluckybeebledweeble too!!!

Monday, May 12, 2008

Blog Moneymaking Wonder-Force Power -- How to Get It

Using Blog Moneymaking Wonder-Force Power Like Your Life Depended on It

If you think you've learned all there is to know about making your blog make money, you're sadly mistaken. There is a whole other realm of money making power that most people have yet to tap into, which if they did, it would propel them into higher levels of consciousness, larger multiple streams of revenue, and insane amounts of hot chicks and studly guys.

This altered realm of consciousness will reveal certain money making secrets that are widely considered absolute mysteries to the average internet marketer, but yet second nature to those who possess the ability to tap into it. I alluded to it a while back in my post about making money online with the law of attraction, but honestly, I didn't even scratch the surface. This power...nay, this FORCE, is known as Blog Moneymaking Wonder-Force Power.

This is a powerful combination of traffic exchange, self-publishing, website flipping, social media marketing, blog monetization, and paid surveys, along with a healthy dose of wealth psychology and the power of Chi to boot. What normally happens is that you relax yourself in the lotus position, assume a calm, meditative posture, and slowly descend and yet ascend into a higher level of super-realistic consciousness where you come to realize that you can only become one with the everything if you completely embrace the nothingness that is actually something.

Once this happens, you are now truly ready to sit down at your computer and blog yourself into online money making insanity as I mentioned in my last post.

How do you ever arrive at such a level? It takes patience, my friend. There is no free lunch. But there will be, however, free money that will absolutely bowl you over with typhoon-like force and torrenting your Paypal account with monstrous profits if you simply follow these simple ways to make money online. Here's to your Blog Moneymaking Wonder-Force Power success!!!

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Blog Yourself into Online Money Making Insanity!

There's no better way to blog yourself into a ridiculous euphoria of money making nirvana than to create a "make money online" blog. Here you have, at your very nimble fingertips, the ability to bring in multiple revenue streams with the click of a mouse. What more could you want?

I want to cover some top secret money making secrets that are very secretive. Now you know, since I'm such a generous guy, having already made millions of dollars on the internet (a practice that you so desperately seek to know the keys to), I really have nothing left to do except to expound upon the profundity of methodologies that I use to bring in the big bucks, mainly because I want to give back to all the "little guys" who may be deprived of such knowledge. This blog is my means of "giving back" to the community that has so graciously given to me, in the form of flooding my CJ account with affiliate sales from the plethora of "make money" ebooks I tirelessly market to anyone that's gullible enough to take the bait.

So how do you arrive at generating any revenue from blogging? You have to use a long-neglected ingredient in internet marketing: INTENSITY. That's right, folks, you have to get absolutely intense, to the point of near-insanity. As a matter of fact, if you're not willing to blog yourself into a rabid frenzy, you're not really ready for the big money online. If you're not willing to grab your computer monitor and smash your head right into the center of the screen, you're still playing around with this thing. As a matter of fact, if you're not willing to flip your computer desk completely over, set your PC on fire, bust out your bedroom window, and then hurl your flaming computer out of the window while screaming "Bring it on, cyberspace!!!", you might as well take up stamp collecting. Because any other degree of intensity besides what I just described is simply not going to cut it.

Come talk to me when you're really serious about making money online. Until then, keep tip-toeing through your pixie-dust blogging fantasy-world.

Monday, May 5, 2008

50 Money Making Ways to Increase Traffic to Your Blog (50th Post!!!)

Make Money with Your Blog as You Help Me Celebrate My 50th Post!!!

This post will forever stand as a landmark in the arena of making money online. Why, you ask? Because SteadyPhil's Make Money Online Blog has now officially reached 50 posts!!! As a part of the celebration, I wanted to give credit where credit is due--Thanks again to all of my 4,563,423,627.33333 Feed Readers--you guys wouldn't be where you are without me.

The greater part of this celebration, however, is what I will give to all of you, my loyal readership (and any new traffic that Google is generously sending my way, due to my absolute mastery of search engine optimization). I have decided to do something that is rather unique, especially for an internet marketer that pulls in boatloads of cash without even hardly waking up in the morning. I'm going to use this 50th post to give back to the internet marketing community; I'm going to "spill the beans" here and expose some of the most death-defying, all-encompassing, hyper-extending, lethal-weapon-wielding, hyphenated-word-describing money making methods ever known to mankind, and even some select animal species.

But don't let these extremely overly superlatively descriptive words fool you. I'm going to show you my bare-bones, cut-and-dry, to-the-core, no-nonsense traffic generating methods that have allowed me to reach the prestigious level of 8th Degree Google Black Belt. But before I do that, let me first give you a little history.

I had heard from several of the A-list bloggers in the "make money online" niche that you have to write "pillar posts" if you want to really bring in the big bucks and make your blog make money. I mistakenly thought that they were saying "pillow posts", and so I created a blog that described all different types of couch pillows, throw pillows, memory foam pillows, and so forth. I found out quickly that this wasn't the case. They actually meant "PILLAR" posts, as in something that stands as a memorial or a landmark, solid as a rock, like a large column on a big building. I fully intend on this post being one that will go down in history; one that you will one day sit around the fireplace with your grandchildren and recount with a warm sense of joy in your heart. And I can think of no better topic to memorialize in a post than how to increase the amount of incoming traffic to your blog.

So, with that having been said, it's time to make history with...

50 Money Making Ways to Increase Traffic to Your Blog

1. Write letters to all of your friends asking them to visit your website. Include a flyer with your URL printed on it.

2. Hire a pilot to skywrite your URL.

3. Hire another pilot to fly a plane with a trailing banner that has your website printed on it. NOTE: Only use your top-level domain; anything else will be way too long to print on a banner.

4. Climb to the top of a mountain and send smoke signals in the shape of your URL.

5. Send your URL via morse code to all of the submarines in the U.S. Navy. This will hopefully garner those ever-valuable "dot mil" backlinks.

6. Go streaking during the halftime show at your local high school's football game. Make sure to hold up a sign with your URL written on it.

7. Call a meeting with all of the shoeshine boys in your state and tell them to give your URL as the latest "hot internet tip".

8. Go to your local news stations, tell them you were Paris Hilton's boyfriend/girlfriend, and then tell them they can read all about it at your website.

9. Attend the PGA tour, stay within eyeshot of the camera, and hold up a sign with your URL on it, right beside the guy with the "John 3:16" sign.

10. Take a trip to Pedro Escebedo (in Mexico) during Easter, and stand right beside the crying statue of the Virgin Mary holding a sign with your URL printed on it. You'll have thousands of onlookers clamoring to visit your blog.

11. Spray-paint your URL on any famous tourist landmark, such as the Statue of Liberty or the Washington Monument.

12. Hire a pyrotechnics expert to create a bundle of fireworks that will explode into the shape of your URL. Make sure to launch them at the most popular 4th of July fireworks display in your town.

13. Post a suicide note on your blog and then kill yourself. Downside: Can only be done once.

14. Sneak into your local Chinese restaurant and replace their fortune cookies with cookies that all have your URL printed on the paper inside.

15. Stand in the middle of Times Square and hold a sign with your URL printed on it. This is way more effective if you scream expletives the entire time.

16. Become a contestant on "Jeopardy" and write your URL as the answer to the Final Jeopardy clue.

17. Plummet off the edge of Niagra Falls in a kayak with your URL painted on the hull.

18. Become a contestant on "Wheel of Fortune" and shout your URL as the phrase that solves the puzzle.

19. Enter as a contestant on "American Idol" and tell Ryan Seacrest that everyone has to vote for you by visiting your website.

20. Google bomb your URL for the term "Mariah Carey". Easy traffic here.

21. While you're at it, pay Mariah Carey to create a song with your URL in the chorus.

22. Find a way to get a hold of the master copy of the S.A.T. test, and print your URL in the top-right corner. Once the test is mass-distributed, you'll get a TON of teenage traffic.

23. Steal a copy of the President's State of the Union speech, and insert your website address into a couple of key spots. Before he even knows it, he'll be promoting your website to the entire country on national TV!

24. Hire a team of Navy S.E.A.L.s and have them conduct a clandestine operation to break into the home of every person in the U.S. who has a computer, and then have each member of this crack team log on & visit your site. This will give you tons of hits from unique IP's all across the country.

25. Pay Oprah's broadcast producer to insert your URL into the teleprompter text a couple of times. There's no greater traffic magnet than having "Oprah juice".

26. While you're at it, write a 150-page book with nothing but your URL on every page, and then have Oprah promote it to her Book Club.

27. Pay Dr. Wayne Dyer to sprinkle his esoteric spiritual talks with your URL a couple of times. This will help you draw the ever-important personal development traffic.

28. Get John Chow to review your site.

29. Get Darren Rowse of ProBlogger to promote your site on his feed...he's the only person I know with more feed readers than me.

30. While I'm thinking about it, don't forget the basics I taught you a long time ago about linking to ProBlogger. Do this and your traffic is guaranteed.

31. Create list posts, like this one. Don't go for 50, though...this crap is TEDIOUS.

32. Deep link every single word in your make money online posts much like I did with this one.

33. Put your URL as a reference link for every single topic on Wikipedia.

34. Get Google to put a link to your URL on their home page, right under the search bar. Tell them it's for some environmental cause, and you'll be a shoe-in.

35. Do the same for Yahoo.

36. Then do the same for MSN.

37. Convince the U.S. Postal Service to create a stamp with your URL on it. Talk about insane amounts of exposure!

38. Fake your own abduction by a UFO. Leave a note telling everyone that the aliens will only reveal your location through your website.

39. Sponsor a Village People reunion concert and hang a banner behind center stage with your URL plastered all over it. I mentioned the power of the Village People in a previous post about how to make millions online with Clickbank--you would do well to take heed to that advice.

40. Follow the traffic-pulling method I outlined when I talked about about making your blog make money with Shoemoney and John Chow.

41. Go on Dancing with the Stars and wear some tight bell-bottomed slacks with your URL embroidered on both back pockets. Note: This will not work if you are not a star.

42. Convince your local newspaper to edit their crossword puzzle so that every clue spells out your URL.

43. Persuade your local Wal-Mart greeter to wear a hanging sign with your URL printed on it.

44. Work closely with your local Girl Scouts chapter to sell cookies with your URL drizzled on the top in fudge.

45. Convince the CIA to broadcast ultrasonic radio waves giving people the subliminal instruction to visit your website.

46. The next time Paris Hilton goes to jail, be SOMEWHERE near the action, holding a sign with your URL printed on it. You'll get tons of media coverage by default.

47. Legally change your name to your URL. This will force people to think about your website every time they think about you.

48. One word: Spam. No, not the unsolicited commercial email you're thinking of, I'm talking about getting back to the real thing; Create a partnership with Spam (the canned meat product) and ask them to put your URL on their label in exchange for placing a Spam advertising banner on your site.

49. Create your own search engine and have your website listed as number one for every single search result. Check out SteadyPhil's Search Engine as an example.

50. Repeat each of the above steps twice to give you 100 money making ways to generate MAD traffic to your blog!!!

Friday, May 2, 2008

Make Big Money Online with NO Common Sense!

Can it be possible for you to make big money online without even having a decent amount of common sense? I'm here to tell you, not only will being an idiot not be a hindrance to making money online, it will actually HELP you! Remember my post about the half-insane idiot who made billions with Google AdWords? Well, I've got that guy beat by a mile...I actually make tons of money on the internet without even using a shred of common sense!

I know that it's natural to be skeptical when anyone makes such claims as these, so I thought it would be helpful for me to show you my past 5 days of deposits:

Monday: $34,568.09
Tuesday: $21,777.41
Wednesday: $124,878.88
Thursday: $123,456.78
Friday: $98,765.43

"But Phil", you say, "How do I know that you really deposited that money? What if you just pulled some figures out of the air?" Hey idiot...WAKE UP!!! If you even need all this "proof" of my online income, you're using too much common sense! How many times do I have to tell you? You're not ready for the greater levels of multiple revenue streams online unless you know how to interpret things at face value. Real money makers don't think; they simply decide and act with the least amount of information possible. All that "research" and "due diligence" just clogs your mind from making that all-important cash-generating snap decision. Remember, the more you think, the less you act. So take a lesson from a true online income earner--don't question; just jump in and put my money making secrets to work, and you'll see the cash start rolling in like a Tasmanian tsunami on crystal meth!!!