I took some time today to do a personal assessment, and I made note of the top 10 attributes that fully qualify me to rake in bazillions of dollars per week via internet marketing. So, without any further adieu, here they are...
(1) My wife thinks I'm handsome. This is a HUGE confidence builder, and it convinces me that I have more than enough good looks to get the job done while making money online.
(2) I love spaghetti. Marinara sauce, due to its high tomato content, contains lycopene, which is known for its brain-stimulating properties. These brain-stimulating properties feed me with a constant stream of ideas on how to make money blogging.
(3) The amount of water I drink. Due to the laws of water displacement, my brain is suspended in a floating state of cranial creativity. This allows me to think of more ways to make obscene amounts of money online.
(4) President Bush's endorsement. I haven't actually gotten this yet, but name-dropping like this increases traffic to my website, thus making me more & more money online.
(5) I have learned the fighting secrets of the Shaolin monks. This is somewhat of an ancillary skill in making money from the internet, but it comes in handy whenever I have to force people to buy my affiliate products.
(6) I am double-jointed in my left elbow. This unique characteristic enables me to type faster with my left hand, thus writing quicker posts overall, thus creating more content in a shorter time frame, thus making me tons of money from organic SEO.
(7) I love all music by Phil Collins. Just as he ruled the 80's, I plan on ruling the new millenium by making tons of cash online. Also, my name is Phil as well, so it's easy for search traffic from Phil Collins fans to be accidentally directed to me.
(8) Jesus rocks. And I truly believe He's gonna help me pull down tons of stone-cold cash from Google AdSense and affiliate programs. He's been ruling in the hip-hop arena too. If you doubt it, see how much He rocks right here.
(9) My history as a CIA operative. I can pull a few strings and have Google, Yahoo, and MSN rank me in first place from now until I say otherwise. But, I'll do my best to play fair for the time being.
(10) Thomas Edison clip art. Nuff said.
"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."
