I Made $45,342.53 in ONE DAY on MySpace!!!

Ninety percent of making money online is attitude; the other half is skill. Some would like to believe that luck is involved in making tons of money online, but I greatly disagree. I even have the online income to prove it. Luck is a fantasy word. The true internet marketer or online entrepreneur doesn't depend on luck; they depend on a random chance occurrence that arbitrarily brings them into good fortune. There's a big difference.

Having become a master of online revenue generation myself, I can now share with you how "the rich get richer, and the poor get poorer". I have learned so many different money making secrets on how to generate online income, that now I am a multi-millionaire with multiple revenue streams to my credit. One of these streams was created just yesterday while I was on MySpace, blogging about how horrible Ashlee Simpson's outfit in People magazine was.

Yep, I made $45,342.53 yesterday, within a 1-hour period, while I was on MySpace!!! How did I do it, you ask? The process was very simple, and completely repeatable. Here's the basic overview of how it was done:

1. As I said earlier, I simply logged on to MySpace as usual and started blogging about celebrity drama like many MySpacers do.

2. While I was logged on, I left the computer for a few minutes and walked down the street to a local convenience store.

3. I bought 3 lottery tickets, the kind with the cool scratch-off games.

4. I scratched off a winning combination and WON $45,342.33 just like that!!!

5. I cashed in my winnings, returned home, and continued blogging on MySpace, fully aware of my extraordinary capability to attract money and success no matter what I do.

Now as you can tell, this is a very repeatable system for anyone else looking to create online income with a minimal amount of real work. All it takes is a little elbow grease, some determination, and the directions to the nearest convenience store. Now go and get 'em, and make cash with the rest of them!

Make So Much Money Online That You Vomit $100 Bills!!!

Tired of just making money online with no frills, thrills, or chills? Do you want to know what it's like to have a blog moneymaking extravaganza of monsoonish cash rolling in to your life and literally knocking you flat on your back with a thunderous crash of eardrum-shattering profit-pulling multimillionaire-making typhoonish tsunamish abundance??? Then get in on my plethora of money making secrets. One only has to peruse my blog archives to realize the ridiculous amount of cash manufacturing secrets that are stored in this treasure trove of online revenue generation. Is this blatant self-promotion? Heck yeah. That's how we internet marketers make things happen.

So whether it's making money with AdWords, or using StumbleUpon to make money, or even tweeting yourself to near-insanity while making money with Twitter, you have found the one-stop shop for all of your online education on how to be an internet marketing wondermoneymaker. You wanna know how to keyword stuff? You wanna understand the difference between black hat and white hat techniques? What about top hat techniques? See, you don't even know about that one, do you? That's because the top hat set of SEO strategies is only reserved for the most elite of SEOers. That's a whole other post, for another time. In fact, I may only release those techniques to my current list of 4,563,423,677.33333 RSS subscribers. Who else do you know would anchor the term 4,563,423,677.33333?

So at the end of the day, the only reason why I'm going through this whole promotion is to prove to you that if you stick with the money making techniques I teach, you will eventually make so much money that you will literally vomit $100 bills. Where else can you learn cash-generating techniques that make even your puke worth money? Nuff said.

How Does a Blog Make Money Online?

How Does a Blog Make Money? The Answer -- No Guts, No Glory

There are a lot of people in the "make money online blogging" world that don't have the slightest clue about how to make a blog make money. As a matter of fact, they wouldn't know a money making blog if it hopped up to them on a pogo stick and slapped them in the left eye with a wet fish. In a previous post I've already given you 5 reasons why your blog sucks and won't make any money and how mine will earn easy money online--it's really simpler than you think.

Of course, since I'm rolling with only the most elite internet marketers in the blogosphere, I share the same testimonial (sworn, mind you) of simply stumbling upon the money making secrets that have turned me into a multi-millionaire, really without even trying. At one point, I pulled in $35,678.65 in three hours from my Paypal account and I don't think I was even breathing. I was going for the Guinness World Record on how long I could hold my breath, and sure enough, while I was setting a new world record (yet another income stream there), my Paypal account balance had jumped over 30 grand in just 3 hours. Now why, you ask, was I trying to break a breath-holding world record? Simple, my friend...when you have so much money that you simply don't know what to do with your time, and everything is boring to you, you have nothing left to do but set world records in obscure categories.

All of this is leading me to this point: If you really want to make big cash online, you have to be bold enough and brave enough to do whatever it takes to get the job done. I already told you about the power of using guerrilla money making tactics to earn money online. While I'm thinking about it, if you want a quick primer on everything you need to know to create multiple revenue streams online, simply browse through the archives of this site and feast upon the savory hunks of money making wisdom that spatter from my spittle. If you do this, you will not only gain priceless knowledge, but it will also help me to not have to disguise the extremely obvious deep linking I'm doing with this post.

It doesn't matter what method you choose to make cash online--it can be through an ebook marketing plan (boy are THOSE lucrative), free paid surveys, electronic publishing, squid doo-doo peddling, various internet marketing services, or simply long tail keyword stuffing such as what I'm doing right now. The common denominator to all of this is the fact that if you don't summon the courage to make big money online, you're going to fail.

So how do you get this courage? I recommend you do one thing and one thing only: Make a list of 20 things you need to do to summon this courage, and then go out and DO 'EM!!! Go get 'em! Don't hand me any excuses, just do it!

If you feel like my instructions are vague, ambiguous, and mostly useless, you have just entered the realm of the ultimate internet marketing gurus. That's all you have to do to continue to reap massive online profits in whatever home based business you choose! Simply create an ebook that gives out instructions that almost NO ONE can follow, promise the whole world but then deliver a cupcake, and then set it all up through Clickbank to really make it happen. Once you do this, you will truly know the satisfaction of seeing your blog make money online!

Make HIDEOUS Amounts of Money as a Clickbank Super-Affiliate!

If you're not aware of the money making power of Clickbank, you must be a mental midget. I've been known to pull down some serious chingy in milliseconds with Clickbank. On one occasion, Commission Junction called me and told me to please stop forcing their employees to work overtime just to keep up all of the affiliate commissions they owe me. Upon their request, I did what any reasonable human being would do...I refused.


In a previous post I covered how I raked in $3,452,768.33333333334 in affilate sales on Clickbank, and how easy it is to make millions online with Clickbank. Please don't let anyone tell you that this stuff is hard...if you have to work to make money online, you don't even know what you're doing. I know how to bring in massive online profits even when I purposefully suspend my own heartbeat, much like a ninja.


But my intent with this post was not to just sit around and brag about my own superior money making skills; I wanted to give every one of you "little guys" a chance to experience the same success that I have enjoyed for months & months now. All it takes is just a little knowledge of the "nuts & bolts" of how Clickbank operates, and the rest is gravy. So, without further adieu...


A Nuts & Bolts, Step-by-Step, Play-by-Play, Moment-by-Moment, Second-by-Second Guide to Clickbank Affiliate Riches


Step 1: Although I've already covered this in my other post about making millions with Clickbank, it bears repeating here: Go to http://www.clickbank.com/ and register with a username & password.


Step 2: Think of a digital product that you would like to create. Some type of ebook, software, or other downloadable item that you could sell for MILLIONS. I would help you with some suggestions, but in the long run that won't be beneficial, as you need to harness your own creative energies to really do this right.


Step 3: You've got your product? Great. Now, put it in a digital format. If it was an ebook that you envisioned, create a PDF ebook out of your idea. If it was software, go to a technical college, get a degree in software engineering , and then create your software from scratch. You see the trend here? It's all about personal initiative. You can DO IT!!!


Step 4: Now design an affiliate program around your product. How, you ask? Look...if you're still asking stupid questions like "How?"...I'm sorry to tell you, but you're not ready to make any real money on the internet. Think Nike, people--Just Do It!

Step 5: Load your product onto Clickbank, set the sale price for something that ends in a "7" (i.e., $37 or $47 or better yet $97), and promote the CRAP out of it through various affiliate networks.

Once these steps are done, if you're not able to sit back in a lounge chair on the beach with a laptop on your lap and watch an AVALANCHE OF CASH roll your way, you obviously did something very wrong, my friend. Retrace your steps and see where the "missing link" is. Otherwise, you should me making money online so effortlessly, you'll almost have to pay someone to sit in the lounge chair and get bowled over by piles of cash FOR YOU while you run for your life from the whirlwind cyclone of money that'll be chasing you down!

Make Money Online -- Even on Earth Day!

Make Environmentally Friendly Money Online on Earth Day

For those who are not in the know about making money online while "going green", I thought I would write this post to enlighten you.

Nowadays it is a financially and socially viable trend to "go green" while carrying on your regular internet marketing business. Dude, if you don't know how to pull down killer online profits while keeping peace with Mother Nature, you're freakin' clueless.

The first step to making this happen is to realize that money itself is green. This should thrill you to no end, because the next conclusion you can draw is this: The more you make money online, the more you go green! Think about it: You are actually helping the environment by raking in insanely killer profits using my money making secrets as discussed in previous posts.

Now I don't personally know if the paper that money is printed on is recyclable, but to a certain degree that has to be true. Think about it: If you buy an ebook from me, purchase one of my affiliate products, or Paypal me a ton of cash for my latest internet marketing strategies, you have just given me money that I can now use to go buy something else! How much more environmentally responsible can you get??!!??

I don't see how this can't be a win-win-win for everyone. You win because you just purchased some life-altering money making secrets that are sure to make you thousands of dollars in mere nanoseconds with absolutely NO WORK involved...I win because I receive tons of money from you and many others...and finally, Mother Nature wins because we're circulating more environmentally-friendly money into the ecosystem!

So what are you waiting for??? Buy all of my affiliate products, and help save the Earth by making money online!

Using Long Tail Keywords to Make Money Online

Keyword research is an absolute must if you want to make big money online. Using the right type of keyword research is a key component of search engine optimization (SEO). There are different types of keywords, but they fall into five main categories:

(1) Keywords that are directly related to and contain your topic (short tail keywords),

(2) Keywords that are somewhat related to your topic but don't necessarily directly mention your topic (long tail keywords),

(3) Keywords that once were thought to be related to your topic (dog tail keywords),

(4) Keywords that are looking for a topic (whale tail keywords), and

(5) Keywords that are no longer keywords at all (blank tail keywords).

As you can see, this is a vast subject, so we will stick with two of the most profitable types of keywords, the short tail and long tail keywords.

Short tail keywords are a given. They are simply the exact word for whatever someone may be searching for on the internet. If someone was looking for a cell phone to buy, a short tail keyword that they might type into a search engine is "cell phone"; a pretty obvious choice. But the long tail keywords, however, are much more profitable, because they tell the search engine that you REALLY know your stuff.

To come up with some long tail keywords, it will take some serious brainstorming. It's not the easiest internet marketing strategy to implement, but nonetheless, it can yield some serious multiple revenue streams once you take advantage of it.

So how do you come up with long tail keywords? A good (and almost obvious) starting point would be to think of any type of thing that has a long tail. When you do this, several different types of animals should immediately come to mind. My first thought was the monkey. It has quite a long and useful tail, which is actually also known as a prehensile tail. There are several ideas that can come to your mind to monetize monkeys. You can do a monkey training website, or even a site about how to make money with Jane Goodall. The possibilities are truly endless!

Other long tail keywords that can get top billing in the search engines include lizards, rats, alligators, squirrels, and even cats. There are a ton of associate programs and affiliate networks that offer money making products for these keywords. Use caution, however: Only stick to animals that truly have long tails, not just any kind of tail. Bobcats just recently got the Google slap due to the shortness of their tails.

Probably one of the most solid money makers I know of is the snake. If you really think about it, the snake is almost entirely one big tail. How long is the snake's tail? Nobody really knows...it would almost seem like the tail begins as soon as the head stops. But does that mean that a snake has no neck? As you can see, these questions could go on and on...but for the sake of this post, just keep in mind that "snake" as a keyword is a long tail money maker for sure.

I have given you guys only a small sample of the blog monetization potential that is available using long tail keywords. Now is the time for you to take action and put these wealth building, money making secrets to work. All hail the long tail!

Make Money Online with a 3-Month Old Baby

So you thought Carl Ocab was awesome just because he knows how to make money online as a 13-year-old kid? Well, I've got a news flash for you, Walter Kronkite. In the world of us underground internet marketers who are really "in the know", Carl is a dinosaur.

This post will answer the age-old question "Can kids make money?" Well, here's your answer: Not only kids, but toddlers, and yes...even infants.


One small example: You remember the story in the Bible (Matthew 2:11) where the wise men brought Jesus all kinds of gold, frankincense and myrrh? He was only TWO YEARS OLD when this was happening, folks. He was making money as a toddler!


Now I know you say "Well, that was Jesus, the Son of God; of course He's going to make money." Well, it's not just limited to that. Think of how many kids are born into multi-million-dollar fortunes, or even billion-dollar fortunes! They're making money right off the bat! So please, no more excuses!

But I know what you're thinking..."What about making money on the internet?" You see, my friend...that's where the true stealth bomb secret of infantile cash inundation resides. I know of a 3-month-old baby that's kicking tail with pay-per-click marketing. He's making money with affilate programs such as Babies-R-Us and Pacifier Depot. Rumor has it he's pulling down $15,000 a month after AdWords expenses. Hey, don't hate, just congratulate.

This post should forever settle the fact that kids can make money online too. Don't let any of these fancy teenage Web 2.0 bloggers fool you...there's big bucks with the Barney crowd too!

Make Money Online with Web 2.0, Web 3.0, Web 4.5, and Web 347.2

Make Money Online Using Web 2.0 and WAYYY More...


Unless you've been hiding under a rock for the past two years, you should know that the hottest way to make money online is with all of the new Web 2.0 technologies, such as social media marketing. If you can't Stumble Upon a way to Digg through what you've Reddit, then you'll Furl on some serious Del.icio.us Technorati-cal ways to Sphinn your Propeller.


Although I have done previous posts on some classical methods like using eBay to make money, there are tons of opportunities to make money online with some of the newer technologies that are available, a la Web 2.0. That's right, if you ain't hip to the newest Wordpress themes and plugins that are available, you don't know squat about making money on the internet. As a matter of fact, I almost feel like a pathetic doofus for using a Blogspot blog because they're so passe. I am obviously not cool enough yet to rake in the dough with the big dogs, so I'll just wallow in my Web 0.5 sorrow.


Sometimes when I think about the way that Web 2.0 has revolutionized internet marketing, I get a little peeved because I feel like I just can't catch up with all the new blogging resources that are available. So, instead of trying to follow the path that the Web 2.0'ers have made, I'm blazing my own trail--that's right, I'm kicking it up a notch like Emeril.


Make Money Online with Web 3.0--Screw Web 2.0!!!


One of the first monetization models I'll be rolling out is...yes, none other than Web 3.0. Just as Web 2.0 is all about social bookmarking, Web 3.0 is about social book-binding. The way it works is simple: You can become a bookbinding vendor for all of your friends' writing projects! Many of us know people who are trying to earn extra income through writing books, but they lack the technical expertise to get the job done. But that's where you come in. You'll take whatever writing project they have, get it paginated and saddle-stitched in two shakes of a lamb's tail, and the next thing you know, you're creating yet another stream of income for yourself!

Make Money Online with Web 4.5--Another Step Forward

Just like Web 3.0 is a model that blows the doors off of Web 2.0, I have actually unearthed a money making method known as Web 4.5--get ready now, because here's where the true internet marketing ninjas get their kicks.

For this reason, I can only reveal a very minute detail about Web 4.5, and it's simply this: Web 4.5 is such an improvement on Web 2.0, that it's actually DOUBLE of what Web 2.0 is, plus an extra 0.5 on top of it! This guarantees you to have double the online profits you would normally have. And in the case of internet marketing gurus like myself, that equals to about half of America's total Gross National Product.

But I haven't even enlightened you to one of the true money making strategies that have propelled me to online revenue generation greatness. It's the ultimate tool in my arsenal...and I call it:

Web 347.2!!!

Making money online with Web 347.2 is reserved for the most elite internet marketers only. You may find hints of it in various ebooks being sold on eBay, or in the latest affiliate program. Social media marketing can't even touch what these money making techniques can to. They are as unstable as plutonium, yet subtle as the wind. Put these strategies into the wrong hands, and you've got yourself a nuclear fallout. This is why I cannot disclose these money making secrets on this post. Just suffice it to say...they're bad to the bone. The world is simply not ready yet.

So, for the general safety and welfare of the public, I will stick to the strategies that employ Web 4.5 and below to make money online. Maybe one day society will have advanced enough for me to reveal them, but until them, I will continue to rake in the online profits behind the curtain.

You Have Just Entered Moneytown - - Population: Me

There's an old saying that says if you want to be successful at something (especially making money online), find someone who is already successful at it and simply copy what they did, and you should get the same results.

That works in most cases...but when you're a money making genius such as myself, it's almost impossible to duplicate exactly what I do; there's simply too many mental gymnastics involved for the average lay-person to keep up.

So, I have tried to simplify the ultra-complex processes and procedures that I employ and boil my thousands of money-making ideas down to a very straightforward formula that anyone can use to create thousands, if not MILLIONS, of dollars in mere seconds online. I call this method the Cash-Accelerating Systematic Hyper-Cash Overdrive Wondermoneymaker, or C.A.S.H. C.O.W. for short. I have outlined it below in my three-step process:

Step 1: Go to Genealogy.com and change your ancestry. Choose from among the Vanderbilts, Rothschilds, or Rockefellers.

Step 2: As soon as Step 1 has been completed, you're already seriously in the money. As a matter of fact, I'm going to stop right there. That's really all you need; a basic internet connection and a complete change of your family lineage. Nothing could be simpler.

Just think; this is only one example of my power-packed plethora of profit-pulling principles...feel free to look at the archives from 2007 as well as January of this year for more examples of the super-genius money making techniques that I have perfected. Also, keep tuning in for more money making methodologies in future posts--if you're not a multi-billionaire internet marketing mogul such as myself, you literally can't afford to miss it.

5 Reasons Why Your Blog Sucks and Won't Make Any Money and My Blog Rocks and Will Make Millions

Anyone can put some crappy blog together, hoping that they will make tons of money through different ad networks, affiliate marketing, etc. But it takes more than just a crappy blog, a dollar and a dream to make tons of money blogging. You have to have a blog that ROCKS, and at least a MILLION dollars and a dream.

So here's the five main reasons why your blog probably sucks and mine rocks...hopefully you'll learn from them and use them to change your evil ways:

1. Because I said so. This is the true definition of an authority site. Your blog sucks because I said it does, and mine rocks because I said it does. All the rest is just trivial details, but please read on anyway.

2. You don't link gratuitously to http://steadyphil.blogspot.com.

3. You don't link even more gratuitously to ProBlogger and Perry Marshall. Haven't you learned anything by now? Read up on my posts about the benefits of linking to ProBlogger and Perry Marshall.

4. You haven't employed the I. D.O.N.'T. S.U.C.K. method of making money online. Consequently, you DO suck. Come on, people...Once again, this is not rocket math.

5. You don't deep link enough to your previous posts. I have subtly but yet successfully linked to a butt-load of my earlier posts in this small but power-packed post.

Even though your blog sucks, I would still encourage you to use the techniques I have described above to maybe improve that hopeless pile of crap you're calling a "make money online blog". And when you do, please link to me so that I can revel in my money making mastery!!!

Make Money Online without a Website, a Product, a Computer, or Even a Pulse!

Yes, you can make money online without worrying about any of those trivial details such as having a computer, having a website, having a product, or even being online at all. As a matter of fact, YOU CAN MAKE MONEY ONLINE WITHOUT EVEN MAKING MONEY ONLINE!!!

As with most money-making methods, this is a carefully-guarded secret that has been passed down through a elite group of internet entrepreneurs since 1995. It's actually so secret that I don't even fully know the method. I have discovered and implemented only certain fragments of it, still with extraordinary results. Once quick example: I was able once to generate $3,576,822.87 online while SLEEPWALKING. Yeah...it's that serious.

Since it is such a lucrative method, I can only reveal one aspect of the fragment of the method that I do know of. Here it is: Read everything you can find by Perry Marshall.

That's all I can give you. More than likely, I'll just have to resort to revealing the more "plain vanilla" money making methods to my readership from now on. I hate to do this, but with such nuclear-meldown-producing profit potential of the more "secret" methods, I have to make this world a safer place by reserving those money making methods only for those of us who will use these powers for good, and not for evil.

Make Barrels of Money Clipping Coupons

Grab the scissors and get ready to ROCK. You don't even know making money until you know how to execute this cash-flow-producing stealth maneuver.

You can bring in TONS of cash through a little-known technique known as coupon-clipping-and-redemption.

Have you seen on the back of your average grocery store coupon, where it says "Redemption Value: 1/100th of a cent"? There's your ticket to wealth right there! Here's a four-step process to raking in a convulsion-producing amount of money through redeeming all of those grocery store coupons that nobody wants:

1. Gather up at least 5,347,893 coupons worth 1/100th of a cent apiece.

2. Get incorporated as a grocery store; don't be afraid to be creative with the name of your business! Don't settle for "ABC Grocery"; come up with something that will really sound convincing.

3. Send the coupons to the appropriate manufacturers so that you can get the proper credit for each coupon; make sure that the manufacturers make the check out to your new creative grocery store name!

4. Sit back and wait for those fat checks to roll in!!!

Who said that there was no other way to rake in the dough except by making money online? I've just shown you the golden key to offline wealth--so crank up the scissors, my friend!

Make Money With or Without Your Underwear!

There are a plethora of internet marketing gurus that make tons of money online while sitting at their kitchen tables in their underwear. This assertion is so common now that there are actually thousands of pants-less people simultaneously pulling down tons of cash while enjoying a nice breeze below the abdomen.

But I'm promoting an online money-making method that takes the whole "sans pants" concept to the next level. My money-making method not only works when you're sitting at your kitchen table in your underwear; it actually works when you're not wearing ANY underwear at all!

How can this be, you ask? Easy...you can make money as a nudist!

I alluded to it in my post about making money running a nude marathon in a viking helmet. Why waste time with those cumbersome clothes when you can pull in the loot in your birthday suit?

So for all these so-called "gurus" that think they have something to brag about because they're pulling down some cheddar in their Fruit-of-the-Looms, I'm throwing down the gauntlet--and my clothes--and saying "Take it up a notch, pal...blog in the buff". I've done it, and there's no more liberating feeling in the world.

One money making bit of parting advice, however...pick a soft chair.

Pull TONS of Traffic to Your Blog via Shoemoney and John Chow

In the world of "make money online" blogging, there are a few superheroes that stand head-and-shoulders above the rest. We all know that Darren Rowse of ProBlogger holds the title of Blogging God from the 5th Parallel Dimension, so we will leave him out of this conversation entirely.

There are others, however, that share a piece of the limelight as well; namely, internet marketing/affiliate marketing/blogging gurus Shoemoney and John Chow. In this post I'm going to teach you a quick, simple, 3-step plan to pull a earth-shattering amount of traffic to your blog using their names & reputations as a springboard to launch your own tsunami of traffic!!!

Step 1: Link to Shoemoney and John Chow in your blog post.

Step 2: Invent some reason why they suck and why they're ruining the true blog community.

Step 3: Submit it to all the major social bookmarking sites, a la Digg, Del.icio.us, Reddit, Technorati, on & on.

There you have it...a revelatory recipe for a rush of ridiculous traffic, designed to bring a diarrhea-inducing swarm of online profits!!!!

Make Stoopid Fresh Mad Money with Def Ringtone Downloads!

If you want to be stoopid dope phunky fresh for dat '08, you better push up on these dope money making ringtone download sites:

http://www.justlogos-ringtones.com/ringtone-reseller.html

http://ringtones-business.com/

http://www.e-mobilemoney.biz

You can make money selling ringtones from dat Fiddy (50-cent), dat Beyonce, dat Gwen Stefani, or dat J-Lo (Jennifer Lopez). You can even sell ringtones from dat B-Lo (Barry Manilow).

Hop up on dat super-fly phunky-phresh dope phat krunkaholic money making business, fool!

What Part of Killer Online Profits Do You NOT Understand?

The only way to make killer online profits is to be online. Through the latest technology, such as social networking sites like MySpace, Facebook, and Flickr, and also through ProBlogger, even the most inexperienced internet marketer can now learn how to make hordes of money by simply logging on & getting knocked over by rolling barrels of cash, as many internet gurus teach.

But there's a special, secret technique for pulling online profits that is rarely discussed, even among the most seasoned internet marketers--partly because it's so powerful, and partly because it's rarely discussed. It is the Super-Jet-Propulsion Time Travel Profit Generator. Notice the italics; that means that I'm actually whispering it as I write it. Yeah...it's that secret.

Using this method is not the safest route to go (see the movie "Deja Vu" for more information), but when used according to the following steps, your income will be invincible & inevitable!

Step 1: Locate any person who has a time travel machine. This will be the most time-consuming part of the strategy. You may even want to purchase your own time machine on eBay; click here for some possible options.

Step 2: Travel back in time to 1980. Buy IPO stock in Apple Computer.

Step 3: Travel a little distance forward to 1999. Become a venture capitalist in Google.

Step 4: You're all set. You can come back to the present, with all of your shares intact.

Congratulations, you are now a multi-billionaire! Please use your newfound online profits for good only, and not for evil.

Make Preposterous Amounts of Money Using the Law of Attraction

You know, the secret to making money online cannot always be found in a certain SEO technique, a certain advertising program, or a certain amount of RSS subscribers. There are times when you have to enlist the help of the Universal Energetic Magnetic Field of the Greater Consciousness to supernaturally attract money into your pocket with the force of one of those gigantic horseshoe-shaped magnets that Wiley Coyote used to use on the cartoons.

With this in mind, I am going to give you a step-by-step guide to using the Law of Attraction to bring more money into your hands than you can ethically spend in 50 lifetimes!!! Here it is:

Step 1: You will need the help of someone who is big enough & strong enough to pick you up off the ground. Find this person first, and convince them to help you by way of the Mega-Magnetic Universal Telepathic Request Method. If you are not familiar with this method, stop the process right now. You can't even come close to properly using the Law of Attraction until you can manipulate peoples' decision-making powers first.

Step 2: After supernaturally persuading this person to help you, have them pick you up by your ankles and hang you upside down. IMPORTANT NOTE: Make sure you're on a carpeted floor before attempting the next step.

Step 3: Instruct them to rub your head on the carpet back & forth, much like the motion used when erasing with a pencil. What you're doing is reversing the polarization of your skeletal, muscular & nervous system, allowing you to now attract the money that you once repelled.

Step 4: At this point, money should start flowing towards you almost immediately. As a matter of fact, you might want to duck in case the first few pieces of money are hard coins.

Step 5: You are now an official money magnet. Enjoy your new state of cash-attracting reverse polarization!

Make So Much Money Online That You Vomit Your Own Lungs!

This is a near-impossible feat for those who are inexperienced in online revenue generation, but I personally have already done this, and I'm here to tell you, it's not pleasant.

I had to be rushed to the hospital to undergo emergency oral bi-lungar organic re-insertion surgery only minutes after it happened.

It all started when I discovered the secret to auto-responder riches, and my PayPal account started getting flooded with multiplied thousands of dollars in only mere seconds. This produced an involuntary reflex of lungovomitosis.

That's the reason for the absence of posts in the past couple of days...talk about a hassle.

I now realize that I'll actually have to slow down somewhat and accept these lightning-fast influxes of outrageous cash flow on a slightly more infrequent basis. This won't hurt my profits at all; it will just spread them out over a more reasonable amount of time.

What a healthy problem to have, you know? Maybe one day, if you keep absorbing the abundance of cash flow generating ideas from this site, you TOO could one day be in position to vomit up one of your major vital organs as well!

No New Year's Eve Post?

What? No New Year's Eve Post? No tips for making money online in the New Year?

Yeah, I have to apologize for that one...

I was sitting at the house counting all of the money I had raked in from my online businesses, and I just couldn't get to the bottom of that pile, I tell ya!

So, I counted all the way into 2008, and up until tonight. If you need proof, you're not ready to make any real internet income. Quit fooling yourself.

Stay tuned for greater things in 2008...more money making ideas, more tips and techniques, and definitely a WHOLE lot more links to ProBlogger and Perry Marshall.

Happy New Year to all!

Making Mind-Boggling Money with Google AdWords

Google Adsense has an evil twin sister named Google AdWords. Together they make up the Wonder Twin dynamic duo of online profit generation. AdWords differs quite a bit from Adsense, mainly due to the capital outlay necessary to get AdWords going. Adsense is free to add to any qualifying site, but AdWords is actually a Pay Per Click marketing campaign tool (read: you gotta spend money to get it going).

If you're expecting to get some major tips on making Google AdWords work from this site, baby, keep on clicking. I don't know Jack Diddley about AdWords. But, just as Darren Rowse of ProBlogger rules the blogosphere in the arena of blogging tips, so does Perry Marshall rule in the Google AdWords arena.

So, I have instituted a new rule: I will now link to Perry Marshall just as much (if not more) than I've been linking to ProBlogger. Don't be surprised if you start seeing Perry Marshall links springing up all over the doggone place. I may even do a post about curry chicken recipes, and throw a Perry Marshall link in there for good measure. So, be on the lookout for more links to come.

In conclusion, my primary objective of this post has been accomplished: I have successfully linked to ProBlogger yet once more, and I have found a new target for my arbitrary links in Perry Marshall. Kudos to both for giving me some new online money making material to write about!