I have already covered the importance of intensity in your blog moneymaking endeavors. I have also covered the importance of not being conventional in your cash generating tactics (see my previous post for more on that one). One thing that I have failed to touch on as of yet is the importance of being serious when you're making money online. Although I've been known to be somewhat of a prankster, a joker, a space cowboy, and even the Gangster of Love (that's what some call me anyway), I take my online business very seriouser than most.
In order for you to make serious money online, you have to be extremely serious. There's no way around it. This is very similar to the concept of making asinine money online by creating asinine content (gloobeefoobie, anyone?). If you have noticed a trend here, or if this post seems to be a slightly altered version of the previous post, that's because it is. I am simply creating content that basically boils down to stupid crap, all designed to either make you laugh or bore you to tears. Either way it goes, I win, because at the end of the day, only a serious internet marketer such as myself would even have the courage to attempt such a thing. And again, it takes a serious person to even give something like this a try.
Here's the paragraph where I utilize long tail keywords such as online money making tips, multiple streams of income, earn money, and e books. This is an essential part of my butt-kicking SEO skills, which also require great seriousivity. If you're not ready to be as serious as a heart attack, a nervous system failure, or even a chain reaction of exploding brain cells, you're not ready to earn money online.
So how do you get this serious? Well, there's two primary ways you can get it done:
1. Ask one of your friends to take a baseball bat and whack you on the head very hard one good time. Ask him to aim for the left-rear section of your head. This should affect the area of your brain that regulates seriousness, thereby making you incapable of entertaining non-serious thoughts.
2. Ask another friend (or, heck, maybe the same one) to inject you with sodium pentathol (a.k.a. truth serum). This should eliminate all sarcasm, snappy comebacks, and humor-based statements, stripping away all aspects of communication that could cause you to not be serious, leaving only the capability for you to be serious.
Now that you have a large knot on your head and dope in your system, you're finally able to really focus on making money online. Don't hand me no wuss crap about how much the baseball bat hurt or that you "don't like needles"; you have to learn how to stop at nothing in your determination to make your blog make money. After all, that's what serious internet marketers do.
Showing posts with label make money on the internet. Show all posts
Showing posts with label make money on the internet. Show all posts
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Make Asinine Money Online--To the Point of Extreme Asininity
Don't listen to all these noobs out there with their cute little blogs trying to teach you how to make money online--most of the time they don't know what they're talking about. They've been involved in internet marketing for a grand total of three weeks and now all of a sudden they're ready to tell you all about how to make money fast...most of them can't even afford a popsicle on their Adsense earnings.
I have been in this game long enough to know what it takes to make tons of cash online. I have explained several cash generating methods and several money making secrets that are lost on the average web entrepreneur. I still have several techniques and methods in my deep bag of tricks that can make John Cougar Mellencamp cut a backflip over the Empire State Building while being chased by a half-insane man dressed as a monkey.
If you're like most people, you probably read that previous sentence and said--"WHAT???"
That's exactly my point...if you're ever going to separate yourself from the "blog make money online" crowd, you have to get a little asinine. Only when you get asinine can you expect to make asinine amounts of money online. As a matter of fact, gleeblefork gloobledookie gobble-gobble stupidhead flipperdoo jabberwockey ding-ding merry merry ha ha hoo hoo chizzleputty.
There it is again--keyword stuffing asinine words so that you can truly make asinine money online. If there's one thing I've learned about making money on the internet, it is the fact that you have to stand out from the crowd by saying something different. Not only have I done that with this and previous posts I've written, but I have taken it a step further with this post by writing complete gibberish. Blibby-blibby, stoopidhibby. Tookie-tookie, snook-falookie. Globber-globber, Google-snobber. Ultimately, these techniques will ensure that I will rule the make money online niche. Here's to your blooblefizzymuckyfluckybeebledweeble too!!!
I have been in this game long enough to know what it takes to make tons of cash online. I have explained several cash generating methods and several money making secrets that are lost on the average web entrepreneur. I still have several techniques and methods in my deep bag of tricks that can make John Cougar Mellencamp cut a backflip over the Empire State Building while being chased by a half-insane man dressed as a monkey.
If you're like most people, you probably read that previous sentence and said--"WHAT???"
That's exactly my point...if you're ever going to separate yourself from the "blog make money online" crowd, you have to get a little asinine. Only when you get asinine can you expect to make asinine amounts of money online. As a matter of fact, gleeblefork gloobledookie gobble-gobble stupidhead flipperdoo jabberwockey ding-ding merry merry ha ha hoo hoo chizzleputty.
There it is again--keyword stuffing asinine words so that you can truly make asinine money online. If there's one thing I've learned about making money on the internet, it is the fact that you have to stand out from the crowd by saying something different. Not only have I done that with this and previous posts I've written, but I have taken it a step further with this post by writing complete gibberish. Blibby-blibby, stoopidhibby. Tookie-tookie, snook-falookie. Globber-globber, Google-snobber. Ultimately, these techniques will ensure that I will rule the make money online niche. Here's to your blooblefizzymuckyfluckybeebledweeble too!!!
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Blog Yourself into Online Money Making Insanity!
There's no better way to blog yourself into a ridiculous euphoria of money making nirvana than to create a "make money online" blog. Here you have, at your very nimble fingertips, the ability to bring in multiple revenue streams with the click of a mouse. What more could you want?
I want to cover some top secret money making secrets that are very secretive. Now you know, since I'm such a generous guy, having already made millions of dollars on the internet (a practice that you so desperately seek to know the keys to), I really have nothing left to do except to expound upon the profundity of methodologies that I use to bring in the big bucks, mainly because I want to give back to all the "little guys" who may be deprived of such knowledge. This blog is my means of "giving back" to the community that has so graciously given to me, in the form of flooding my CJ account with affiliate sales from the plethora of "make money" ebooks I tirelessly market to anyone that's gullible enough to take the bait.
So how do you arrive at generating any revenue from blogging? You have to use a long-neglected ingredient in internet marketing: INTENSITY. That's right, folks, you have to get absolutely intense, to the point of near-insanity. As a matter of fact, if you're not willing to blog yourself into a rabid frenzy, you're not really ready for the big money online. If you're not willing to grab your computer monitor and smash your head right into the center of the screen, you're still playing around with this thing. As a matter of fact, if you're not willing to flip your computer desk completely over, set your PC on fire, bust out your bedroom window, and then hurl your flaming computer out of the window while screaming "Bring it on, cyberspace!!!", you might as well take up stamp collecting. Because any other degree of intensity besides what I just described is simply not going to cut it.
Come talk to me when you're really serious about making money online. Until then, keep tip-toeing through your pixie-dust blogging fantasy-world.
I want to cover some top secret money making secrets that are very secretive. Now you know, since I'm such a generous guy, having already made millions of dollars on the internet (a practice that you so desperately seek to know the keys to), I really have nothing left to do except to expound upon the profundity of methodologies that I use to bring in the big bucks, mainly because I want to give back to all the "little guys" who may be deprived of such knowledge. This blog is my means of "giving back" to the community that has so graciously given to me, in the form of flooding my CJ account with affiliate sales from the plethora of "make money" ebooks I tirelessly market to anyone that's gullible enough to take the bait.
So how do you arrive at generating any revenue from blogging? You have to use a long-neglected ingredient in internet marketing: INTENSITY. That's right, folks, you have to get absolutely intense, to the point of near-insanity. As a matter of fact, if you're not willing to blog yourself into a rabid frenzy, you're not really ready for the big money online. If you're not willing to grab your computer monitor and smash your head right into the center of the screen, you're still playing around with this thing. As a matter of fact, if you're not willing to flip your computer desk completely over, set your PC on fire, bust out your bedroom window, and then hurl your flaming computer out of the window while screaming "Bring it on, cyberspace!!!", you might as well take up stamp collecting. Because any other degree of intensity besides what I just described is simply not going to cut it.
Come talk to me when you're really serious about making money online. Until then, keep tip-toeing through your pixie-dust blogging fantasy-world.
Friday, May 2, 2008
Make Big Money Online with NO Common Sense!
Can it be possible for you to make big money online without even having a decent amount of common sense? I'm here to tell you, not only will being an idiot not be a hindrance to making money online, it will actually HELP you! Remember my post about the half-insane idiot who made billions with Google AdWords? Well, I've got that guy beat by a mile...I actually make tons of money on the internet without even using a shred of common sense!
I know that it's natural to be skeptical when anyone makes such claims as these, so I thought it would be helpful for me to show you my past 5 days of deposits:
Monday: $34,568.09
Tuesday: $21,777.41
Wednesday: $124,878.88
Thursday: $123,456.78
Friday: $98,765.43
"But Phil", you say, "How do I know that you really deposited that money? What if you just pulled some figures out of the air?" Hey idiot...WAKE UP!!! If you even need all this "proof" of my online income, you're using too much common sense! How many times do I have to tell you? You're not ready for the greater levels of multiple revenue streams online unless you know how to interpret things at face value. Real money makers don't think; they simply decide and act with the least amount of information possible. All that "research" and "due diligence" just clogs your mind from making that all-important cash-generating snap decision. Remember, the more you think, the less you act. So take a lesson from a true online income earner--don't question; just jump in and put my money making secrets to work, and you'll see the cash start rolling in like a Tasmanian tsunami on crystal meth!!!
I know that it's natural to be skeptical when anyone makes such claims as these, so I thought it would be helpful for me to show you my past 5 days of deposits:
Monday: $34,568.09
Tuesday: $21,777.41
Wednesday: $124,878.88
Thursday: $123,456.78
Friday: $98,765.43
"But Phil", you say, "How do I know that you really deposited that money? What if you just pulled some figures out of the air?" Hey idiot...WAKE UP!!! If you even need all this "proof" of my online income, you're using too much common sense! How many times do I have to tell you? You're not ready for the greater levels of multiple revenue streams online unless you know how to interpret things at face value. Real money makers don't think; they simply decide and act with the least amount of information possible. All that "research" and "due diligence" just clogs your mind from making that all-important cash-generating snap decision. Remember, the more you think, the less you act. So take a lesson from a true online income earner--don't question; just jump in and put my money making secrets to work, and you'll see the cash start rolling in like a Tasmanian tsunami on crystal meth!!!
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
How Does a Blog Make Money Online?
How Does a Blog Make Money? The Answer -- No Guts, No Glory
There are a lot of people in the "make money online blogging" world that don't have the slightest clue about how to make a blog make money. As a matter of fact, they wouldn't know a money making blog if it hopped up to them on a pogo stick and slapped them in the left eye with a wet fish. In a previous post I've already given you 5 reasons why your blog sucks and won't make any money and how mine will earn easy money online--it's really simpler than you think.
Of course, since I'm rolling with only the most elite internet marketers in the blogosphere, I share the same testimonial (sworn, mind you) of simply stumbling upon the money making secrets that have turned me into a multi-millionaire, really without even trying. At one point, I pulled in $35,678.65 in three hours from my Paypal account and I don't think I was even breathing. I was going for the Guinness World Record on how long I could hold my breath, and sure enough, while I was setting a new world record (yet another income stream there), my Paypal account balance had jumped over 30 grand in just 3 hours. Now why, you ask, was I trying to break a breath-holding world record? Simple, my friend...when you have so much money that you simply don't know what to do with your time, and everything is boring to you, you have nothing left to do but set world records in obscure categories.
All of this is leading me to this point: If you really want to make big cash online, you have to be bold enough and brave enough to do whatever it takes to get the job done. I already told you about the power of using guerrilla money making tactics to earn money online. While I'm thinking about it, if you want a quick primer on everything you need to know to create multiple revenue streams online, simply browse through the archives of this site and feast upon the savory hunks of money making wisdom that spatter from my spittle. If you do this, you will not only gain priceless knowledge, but it will also help me to not have to disguise the extremely obvious deep linking I'm doing with this post.
It doesn't matter what method you choose to make cash online--it can be through an ebook marketing plan (boy are THOSE lucrative), free paid surveys, electronic publishing, squid doo-doo peddling, various internet marketing services, or simply long tail keyword stuffing such as what I'm doing right now. The common denominator to all of this is the fact that if you don't summon the courage to make big money online, you're going to fail.
So how do you get this courage? I recommend you do one thing and one thing only: Make a list of 20 things you need to do to summon this courage, and then go out and DO 'EM!!! Go get 'em! Don't hand me any excuses, just do it!
If you feel like my instructions are vague, ambiguous, and mostly useless, you have just entered the realm of the ultimate internet marketing gurus. That's all you have to do to continue to reap massive online profits in whatever home based business you choose! Simply create an ebook that gives out instructions that almost NO ONE can follow, promise the whole world but then deliver a cupcake, and then set it all up through Clickbank to really make it happen. Once you do this, you will truly know the satisfaction of seeing your blog make money online!
There are a lot of people in the "make money online blogging" world that don't have the slightest clue about how to make a blog make money. As a matter of fact, they wouldn't know a money making blog if it hopped up to them on a pogo stick and slapped them in the left eye with a wet fish. In a previous post I've already given you 5 reasons why your blog sucks and won't make any money and how mine will earn easy money online--it's really simpler than you think.
Of course, since I'm rolling with only the most elite internet marketers in the blogosphere, I share the same testimonial (sworn, mind you) of simply stumbling upon the money making secrets that have turned me into a multi-millionaire, really without even trying. At one point, I pulled in $35,678.65 in three hours from my Paypal account and I don't think I was even breathing. I was going for the Guinness World Record on how long I could hold my breath, and sure enough, while I was setting a new world record (yet another income stream there), my Paypal account balance had jumped over 30 grand in just 3 hours. Now why, you ask, was I trying to break a breath-holding world record? Simple, my friend...when you have so much money that you simply don't know what to do with your time, and everything is boring to you, you have nothing left to do but set world records in obscure categories.
All of this is leading me to this point: If you really want to make big cash online, you have to be bold enough and brave enough to do whatever it takes to get the job done. I already told you about the power of using guerrilla money making tactics to earn money online. While I'm thinking about it, if you want a quick primer on everything you need to know to create multiple revenue streams online, simply browse through the archives of this site and feast upon the savory hunks of money making wisdom that spatter from my spittle. If you do this, you will not only gain priceless knowledge, but it will also help me to not have to disguise the extremely obvious deep linking I'm doing with this post.
It doesn't matter what method you choose to make cash online--it can be through an ebook marketing plan (boy are THOSE lucrative), free paid surveys, electronic publishing, squid doo-doo peddling, various internet marketing services, or simply long tail keyword stuffing such as what I'm doing right now. The common denominator to all of this is the fact that if you don't summon the courage to make big money online, you're going to fail.
So how do you get this courage? I recommend you do one thing and one thing only: Make a list of 20 things you need to do to summon this courage, and then go out and DO 'EM!!! Go get 'em! Don't hand me any excuses, just do it!
If you feel like my instructions are vague, ambiguous, and mostly useless, you have just entered the realm of the ultimate internet marketing gurus. That's all you have to do to continue to reap massive online profits in whatever home based business you choose! Simply create an ebook that gives out instructions that almost NO ONE can follow, promise the whole world but then deliver a cupcake, and then set it all up through Clickbank to really make it happen. Once you do this, you will truly know the satisfaction of seeing your blog make money online!
Thursday, April 24, 2008
How to Make Money Online by Getting 150,000 RSS Subscribers
Making Money Online by Getting Astronomical Amounts of RSS Subscribers
In the Web 2.0 world of blogging to make money online, RSS subscribers seem to be the Holy Grail of measurements as to whether or not you have achieved online success. This being the case, you can see by my Feedburner count on the sidebar that I have already attained a ridiculously extreme amount of success in making money on the Web. "How can I be sure that you didn't tweak those numbers, Phil?" The answer is real simple: Remember...it has to be real if it's on the Internet!
So how did I go about collecting these 4,563,423,677.33333 feed readers? The answer is not as complex as you would like to think. As a matter of fact, this post is only going to deal with obtaining 150,000 subscribers, a mere fraction of the amount of readers I have obtained. I'm cutting you a MASSIVE break as far as the numbers are concerned; if you can't do this, you really should give up trying to make money online...you obviously don't have what it takes.
Before I delve into the master secret to explosive RSS success, let me emphasize that this is one of the most revered cash cows in the internet marketing world, and for good reason. Can taking online surveys make money like this? Seriously doubt it. Can you go the MMORPG route and make more money with Runescape than you can with this? Quite possibly, if you're a supernaturally hyper freak who doesn't sleep, eat, or go to the bathroom, and all you do is stay on the internet 24/7, then you may one day outrun the runaway profits that I am generating through my passive-income-generating list of RSS subscribers. These are confident claims, I know, but I have the proof to back it up. And if you follow my step-by-step instructions on how to do it yourself, you will experience the same earthquake-induced tsunami of online profits that I enjoy every day!
So let's get to it...
Play-by-Play Instructions on How to Knock an Automatic-Profit-Generating Home Run and Create a Touchdown of Cash-Generating RSS Subscribers That Will Give You a Slam Dunk of Stanley-Cup-Winning Residual Income!
Step 1: Sign up for 50,000 different Google accounts, using a different email address with each one.
Step 2: Sign up for 50,000 different Yahoo accounts, using a different email address with each one.
Step 3: Sign up for 50,000 different MSN accounts, using a different email address with each one.
What's this? I hear you whining about how much "work" this is? Do you want to make money on the Web or what? If you're a gutless wimp, then let's just stop here, but if you have a dream, and you want to see your dreams of making massive money online come true, then you're going to have to do exactly what I'm teaching you, no shortcuts. Losers whine. Winners get 150,000 email accounts.
Step 4: Subscribe to your blog in the feed reader of every single account. Every single one!!! Again, do you want to make serious money on the internet, or do you just want to talk the talk?
Step 5: Congratulations! You now have 150,000 RSS subscribers. According to the Web 2.0 gurus that dominate the "blogging to make money online" scene, the common valuation of each RSS subscriber is about $30.00, so my friend, you have just created a blog that's worth at least 4.5 MILLION dollars!!!
Now, this next step is for the true internet marketing ninjas only. Proceed with caution...
Step 6: Find someone who is brand new to the make money online blogging niche and flip the blog to them for 8 MILLION DOLLARS. It should be easy to get this done if you post the sale on Sitepoint.com.
That's all there really is to it...so what are you waiting for? Get off your butt, dust yourself off, and go really make money online with the big dogs!!!
In the Web 2.0 world of blogging to make money online, RSS subscribers seem to be the Holy Grail of measurements as to whether or not you have achieved online success. This being the case, you can see by my Feedburner count on the sidebar that I have already attained a ridiculously extreme amount of success in making money on the Web. "How can I be sure that you didn't tweak those numbers, Phil?" The answer is real simple: Remember...it has to be real if it's on the Internet!
So how did I go about collecting these 4,563,423,677.33333 feed readers? The answer is not as complex as you would like to think. As a matter of fact, this post is only going to deal with obtaining 150,000 subscribers, a mere fraction of the amount of readers I have obtained. I'm cutting you a MASSIVE break as far as the numbers are concerned; if you can't do this, you really should give up trying to make money online...you obviously don't have what it takes.
Before I delve into the master secret to explosive RSS success, let me emphasize that this is one of the most revered cash cows in the internet marketing world, and for good reason. Can taking online surveys make money like this? Seriously doubt it. Can you go the MMORPG route and make more money with Runescape than you can with this? Quite possibly, if you're a supernaturally hyper freak who doesn't sleep, eat, or go to the bathroom, and all you do is stay on the internet 24/7, then you may one day outrun the runaway profits that I am generating through my passive-income-generating list of RSS subscribers. These are confident claims, I know, but I have the proof to back it up. And if you follow my step-by-step instructions on how to do it yourself, you will experience the same earthquake-induced tsunami of online profits that I enjoy every day!
So let's get to it...
Play-by-Play Instructions on How to Knock an Automatic-Profit-Generating Home Run and Create a Touchdown of Cash-Generating RSS Subscribers That Will Give You a Slam Dunk of Stanley-Cup-Winning Residual Income!
Step 1: Sign up for 50,000 different Google accounts, using a different email address with each one.
Step 2: Sign up for 50,000 different Yahoo accounts, using a different email address with each one.
Step 3: Sign up for 50,000 different MSN accounts, using a different email address with each one.
What's this? I hear you whining about how much "work" this is? Do you want to make money on the Web or what? If you're a gutless wimp, then let's just stop here, but if you have a dream, and you want to see your dreams of making massive money online come true, then you're going to have to do exactly what I'm teaching you, no shortcuts. Losers whine. Winners get 150,000 email accounts.
Step 4: Subscribe to your blog in the feed reader of every single account. Every single one!!! Again, do you want to make serious money on the internet, or do you just want to talk the talk?
Step 5: Congratulations! You now have 150,000 RSS subscribers. According to the Web 2.0 gurus that dominate the "blogging to make money online" scene, the common valuation of each RSS subscriber is about $30.00, so my friend, you have just created a blog that's worth at least 4.5 MILLION dollars!!!
Now, this next step is for the true internet marketing ninjas only. Proceed with caution...
Step 6: Find someone who is brand new to the make money online blogging niche and flip the blog to them for 8 MILLION DOLLARS. It should be easy to get this done if you post the sale on Sitepoint.com.
That's all there really is to it...so what are you waiting for? Get off your butt, dust yourself off, and go really make money online with the big dogs!!!
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Make HIDEOUS Amounts of Money as a Clickbank Super-Affiliate!
If you're not aware of the money making power of Clickbank, you must be a mental midget. I've been known to pull down some serious chingy in milliseconds with Clickbank. On one occasion, Commission Junction called me and told me to please stop forcing their employees to work overtime just to keep up all of the affiliate commissions they owe me. Upon their request, I did what any reasonable human being would do...I refused.
In a previous post I covered how I raked in $3,452,768.33333333334 in affilate sales on Clickbank, and how easy it is to make millions online with Clickbank. Please don't let anyone tell you that this stuff is hard...if you have to work to make money online, you don't even know what you're doing. I know how to bring in massive online profits even when I purposefully suspend my own heartbeat, much like a ninja.
But my intent with this post was not to just sit around and brag about my own superior money making skills; I wanted to give every one of you "little guys" a chance to experience the same success that I have enjoyed for months & months now. All it takes is just a little knowledge of the "nuts & bolts" of how Clickbank operates, and the rest is gravy. So, without further adieu...
A Nuts & Bolts, Step-by-Step, Play-by-Play, Moment-by-Moment, Second-by-Second Guide to Clickbank Affiliate Riches
Step 1: Although I've already covered this in my other post about making millions with Clickbank, it bears repeating here: Go to http://www.clickbank.com/ and register with a username & password.
Step 2: Think of a digital product that you would like to create. Some type of ebook, software, or other downloadable item that you could sell for MILLIONS. I would help you with some suggestions, but in the long run that won't be beneficial, as you need to harness your own creative energies to really do this right.
Step 3: You've got your product? Great. Now, put it in a digital format. If it was an ebook that you envisioned, create a PDF ebook out of your idea. If it was software, go to a technical college, get a degree in software engineering , and then create your software from scratch. You see the trend here? It's all about personal initiative. You can DO IT!!!
Step 4: Now design an affiliate program around your product. How, you ask? Look...if you're still asking stupid questions like "How?"...I'm sorry to tell you, but you're not ready to make any real money on the internet. Think Nike, people--Just Do It!
Step 5: Load your product onto Clickbank, set the sale price for something that ends in a "7" (i.e., $37 or $47 or better yet $97), and promote the CRAP out of it through various affiliate networks.
Once these steps are done, if you're not able to sit back in a lounge chair on the beach with a laptop on your lap and watch an AVALANCHE OF CASH roll your way, you obviously did something very wrong, my friend. Retrace your steps and see where the "missing link" is. Otherwise, you should me making money online so effortlessly, you'll almost have to pay someone to sit in the lounge chair and get bowled over by piles of cash FOR YOU while you run for your life from the whirlwind cyclone of money that'll be chasing you down!
In a previous post I covered how I raked in $3,452,768.33333333334 in affilate sales on Clickbank, and how easy it is to make millions online with Clickbank. Please don't let anyone tell you that this stuff is hard...if you have to work to make money online, you don't even know what you're doing. I know how to bring in massive online profits even when I purposefully suspend my own heartbeat, much like a ninja.
But my intent with this post was not to just sit around and brag about my own superior money making skills; I wanted to give every one of you "little guys" a chance to experience the same success that I have enjoyed for months & months now. All it takes is just a little knowledge of the "nuts & bolts" of how Clickbank operates, and the rest is gravy. So, without further adieu...
A Nuts & Bolts, Step-by-Step, Play-by-Play, Moment-by-Moment, Second-by-Second Guide to Clickbank Affiliate Riches
Step 1: Although I've already covered this in my other post about making millions with Clickbank, it bears repeating here: Go to http://www.clickbank.com/ and register with a username & password.
Step 2: Think of a digital product that you would like to create. Some type of ebook, software, or other downloadable item that you could sell for MILLIONS. I would help you with some suggestions, but in the long run that won't be beneficial, as you need to harness your own creative energies to really do this right.
Step 3: You've got your product? Great. Now, put it in a digital format. If it was an ebook that you envisioned, create a PDF ebook out of your idea. If it was software, go to a technical college, get a degree in software engineering , and then create your software from scratch. You see the trend here? It's all about personal initiative. You can DO IT!!!
Step 4: Now design an affiliate program around your product. How, you ask? Look...if you're still asking stupid questions like "How?"...I'm sorry to tell you, but you're not ready to make any real money on the internet. Think Nike, people--Just Do It!
Step 5: Load your product onto Clickbank, set the sale price for something that ends in a "7" (i.e., $37 or $47 or better yet $97), and promote the CRAP out of it through various affiliate networks.
Once these steps are done, if you're not able to sit back in a lounge chair on the beach with a laptop on your lap and watch an AVALANCHE OF CASH roll your way, you obviously did something very wrong, my friend. Retrace your steps and see where the "missing link" is. Otherwise, you should me making money online so effortlessly, you'll almost have to pay someone to sit in the lounge chair and get bowled over by piles of cash FOR YOU while you run for your life from the whirlwind cyclone of money that'll be chasing you down!
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Make Money Online -- Even on Earth Day!
Make Environmentally Friendly Money Online on Earth Day
For those who are not in the know about making money online while "going green", I thought I would write this post to enlighten you.
Nowadays it is a financially and socially viable trend to "go green" while carrying on your regular internet marketing business. Dude, if you don't know how to pull down killer online profits while keeping peace with Mother Nature, you're freakin' clueless.
The first step to making this happen is to realize that money itself is green. This should thrill you to no end, because the next conclusion you can draw is this: The more you make money online, the more you go green! Think about it: You are actually helping the environment by raking in insanely killer profits using my money making secrets as discussed in previous posts.
Now I don't personally know if the paper that money is printed on is recyclable, but to a certain degree that has to be true. Think about it: If you buy an ebook from me, purchase one of my affiliate products, or Paypal me a ton of cash for my latest internet marketing strategies, you have just given me money that I can now use to go buy something else! How much more environmentally responsible can you get??!!??
I don't see how this can't be a win-win-win for everyone. You win because you just purchased some life-altering money making secrets that are sure to make you thousands of dollars in mere nanoseconds with absolutely NO WORK involved...I win because I receive tons of money from you and many others...and finally, Mother Nature wins because we're circulating more environmentally-friendly money into the ecosystem!
So what are you waiting for??? Buy all of my affiliate products, and help save the Earth by making money online!
For those who are not in the know about making money online while "going green", I thought I would write this post to enlighten you.
Nowadays it is a financially and socially viable trend to "go green" while carrying on your regular internet marketing business. Dude, if you don't know how to pull down killer online profits while keeping peace with Mother Nature, you're freakin' clueless.
The first step to making this happen is to realize that money itself is green. This should thrill you to no end, because the next conclusion you can draw is this: The more you make money online, the more you go green! Think about it: You are actually helping the environment by raking in insanely killer profits using my money making secrets as discussed in previous posts.
Now I don't personally know if the paper that money is printed on is recyclable, but to a certain degree that has to be true. Think about it: If you buy an ebook from me, purchase one of my affiliate products, or Paypal me a ton of cash for my latest internet marketing strategies, you have just given me money that I can now use to go buy something else! How much more environmentally responsible can you get??!!??
I don't see how this can't be a win-win-win for everyone. You win because you just purchased some life-altering money making secrets that are sure to make you thousands of dollars in mere nanoseconds with absolutely NO WORK involved...I win because I receive tons of money from you and many others...and finally, Mother Nature wins because we're circulating more environmentally-friendly money into the ecosystem!
So what are you waiting for??? Buy all of my affiliate products, and help save the Earth by making money online!
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Make Money Online Faster Than a Bowlegged Squirrel on Crack!
Making Money Online at a Rapid and Even Rabid Pace
That's right, folks! I have just developed yet another money making system that can take anyone from being a complete worthless LOSER that deserves to be dragged out in the street, shot 49 times, and thrown off a CLIFF into a mega-cool WINNER that rakes in so much money online, they'll be able to wipe their DOG'S BUTT with hundred-dollar bills!!!
Trust me when I say, this is different than many of the systems and methods I have detailed in past posts, such as the S.M.A.R.T. way to make money online, or the I. D.O.N.T. S.U.C.K. method of making money online. This system doesn't even have an acronym! It uses a combination of associate programs, affiliate programs, blog tips, some miscellaneous quotes from Derek Gehl, and some semi-vague references to working from home. It is a hodgepodge of sorts, but always remember that VARIETY is what is needed to make big money online.
So here's the basic layout of my super-secret cash making system:
1. Call the Better Business Bureau and ask them to grant you immunity to any complaints about your online business.
2. Join practically every affiliate program you can find. I don't care if it's an associate program that sells cat doo-doo, it's worth its salt if you value diversification.
3. Run a Google AdWords campaign on the phrase "make money online at the beach while sitting in a lawn chair with your laptop", and then make sure to link to Perry Marshall.
4. Monetize the above three steps by installing StatCounter, tracing each search visitor's IP address, back-tracing their phone numbers through a paid phone tracing service, cold calling every search visitor one-by-one, and asking them to buy your affiliate products that you were pushing through your AdWords campaign.
If you can't see the ridiculously HUGE potential of such money making secrets as described above, you must be a schizophrenic brain-dead dimwit!!!
Now, some people have claimed that these methods are borderline "black hat", but I tend to disagree. I haven't worn a black hat in years, so this could not be possible. They are simply "out of the box" methods that small-minded non-success-minded people will never be able to accept or grasp, simply for the fact that these people don't have a clue about making money online. So don't let the simplicity of these methods fool you...put them to work and see if you don't start making big money online like me!!!
That's right, folks! I have just developed yet another money making system that can take anyone from being a complete worthless LOSER that deserves to be dragged out in the street, shot 49 times, and thrown off a CLIFF into a mega-cool WINNER that rakes in so much money online, they'll be able to wipe their DOG'S BUTT with hundred-dollar bills!!!
Trust me when I say, this is different than many of the systems and methods I have detailed in past posts, such as the S.M.A.R.T. way to make money online, or the I. D.O.N.T. S.U.C.K. method of making money online. This system doesn't even have an acronym! It uses a combination of associate programs, affiliate programs, blog tips, some miscellaneous quotes from Derek Gehl, and some semi-vague references to working from home. It is a hodgepodge of sorts, but always remember that VARIETY is what is needed to make big money online.
So here's the basic layout of my super-secret cash making system:
1. Call the Better Business Bureau and ask them to grant you immunity to any complaints about your online business.
2. Join practically every affiliate program you can find. I don't care if it's an associate program that sells cat doo-doo, it's worth its salt if you value diversification.
3. Run a Google AdWords campaign on the phrase "make money online at the beach while sitting in a lawn chair with your laptop", and then make sure to link to Perry Marshall.
4. Monetize the above three steps by installing StatCounter, tracing each search visitor's IP address, back-tracing their phone numbers through a paid phone tracing service, cold calling every search visitor one-by-one, and asking them to buy your affiliate products that you were pushing through your AdWords campaign.
If you can't see the ridiculously HUGE potential of such money making secrets as described above, you must be a schizophrenic brain-dead dimwit!!!
Now, some people have claimed that these methods are borderline "black hat", but I tend to disagree. I haven't worn a black hat in years, so this could not be possible. They are simply "out of the box" methods that small-minded non-success-minded people will never be able to accept or grasp, simply for the fact that these people don't have a clue about making money online. So don't let the simplicity of these methods fool you...put them to work and see if you don't start making big money online like me!!!
Monday, April 14, 2008
Make Money Online with Squidoo and Squid Doo-Doo!
Make Disturbing Amounts of Money Online with Squidoo and Squid Doo-Doo!
Versatility is an important component of making money online. You have to be ready to flow with the times, and when the winds of change start blowing, you better start swimming or you'll sink like a stone.
It's tough to navigate the murky waters of the online money making world. What monetization models should you choose? Should you try pay-per-click or pay-per-lead marketing? Should you become an expert in search engine optimization or should you just do an all-out onslaught of traffic-attacking techniques such as AdWords and affiliate marketing? All of these models have their strong points and weak points, and they all have their pros and cons. What's an internet marketer to do?
For the thinking entrepreneur, you don't want to get into any programs or techniques that cost a lot of money up-front. The ideal scenario is to go with something that can produce multiple streams of income with no out-of-pocket cost. There is such an ideal opportunity available in a website known as Squidoo. Squidoo is a website founded by famed marketer and blogger Seth Godin. The basic premise of the website is that users are allowed to create one-page portals known as "lenses" about whatever topic they choose. Squidoo posts Google AdSense ads on the lenses, and then when visitors click on the ads, Squidoo splits the revenue 50/50 with the lens makers (also known as "lensmasters").
This is HUGE. This is BIG. This is freakin' GARGANTUAN. What you don't realize is that there are NO LIMITS to the amount of lenses you can make. Just think...if you only made 2 cents off every lens you made per month, you would only need to make 50 million lenses to clear $1 million dollars a month!!!
Now imagine what you could do with a passive income of one million dollars a month. You could finally take that vacation you've been dreaming about. You can buy 3 Bentleys a month. You could finally tell that obnoxious boss of yours that he can stick it where the sun don't shine--you're making big money online now, and he can take this job and shove it! Fire your boss! Be your own boss! Hire yourself! Downsize your boss! Awaken the giant within! Seize the day! Keep off the grass!!!!!
So what are you waiting on? Let's get to lensmaking!!!
But wait--there's another method of generating multiple revenue streams that's even more exclusive and more secretive than making money with Squidoo lenses. It's only known by the upper echelon of internet marketers, and it deals in the more exotic circles of making money online. It's a dirty business, but it pays huge profits. It's more than just some sideline business that will help you to earn extra income; this thing will give you the money that's only enjoyed by the privileged few at the top of the economic food chain.
What am I referring to?
I'm talking about making money online selling squid doo-doo.
This is not to be mistaken for making money online with Squidoo. This is selling the actual defacation of a squid. This is high-dollar stuff. "Squid crapping", as it's known, is fast becoming one of the hottest and most viable business models ever to hit the internet marketing scene. Using a niche-store-generating software complete with a live data feed, merchant account and shopping cart module, you can market bags of squid doo-doo in various sizes and weights, as a gag gift, or as a form of specialized fertilizer, or even as an accessory in various art installations that are much too highbrow for the average art gallery patron.
"Can I really make money online with squid doo-doo?", you ask. Does a bear crap in the woods? Does a squid crap in the water? The answer, my friend, is in the question.
You will have to concentrate on finding good wholesale suppliers of squid crap, and this is the most time-consuming part. You will more than likely need to go overseas to get a respectable supplier with a decent profit margin. But, once you do, it's a veritable cash cow for the discerning entrepreneur. I will eventually provide a list of wholesale squid doo-doo suppliers in an ebook that I'm putting together--once it's done I'll market it through an affiliate program for $197.00 each. So stay tuned for the latest updates on this project.
Hopefully I have opened your eyes to the plethora of online profits that await you both with Squidoo and, ironically, squid doo-doo. Now go forth and make money online as only a squid fan can!!!
Versatility is an important component of making money online. You have to be ready to flow with the times, and when the winds of change start blowing, you better start swimming or you'll sink like a stone.
It's tough to navigate the murky waters of the online money making world. What monetization models should you choose? Should you try pay-per-click or pay-per-lead marketing? Should you become an expert in search engine optimization or should you just do an all-out onslaught of traffic-attacking techniques such as AdWords and affiliate marketing? All of these models have their strong points and weak points, and they all have their pros and cons. What's an internet marketer to do?
For the thinking entrepreneur, you don't want to get into any programs or techniques that cost a lot of money up-front. The ideal scenario is to go with something that can produce multiple streams of income with no out-of-pocket cost. There is such an ideal opportunity available in a website known as Squidoo. Squidoo is a website founded by famed marketer and blogger Seth Godin. The basic premise of the website is that users are allowed to create one-page portals known as "lenses" about whatever topic they choose. Squidoo posts Google AdSense ads on the lenses, and then when visitors click on the ads, Squidoo splits the revenue 50/50 with the lens makers (also known as "lensmasters").
This is HUGE. This is BIG. This is freakin' GARGANTUAN. What you don't realize is that there are NO LIMITS to the amount of lenses you can make. Just think...if you only made 2 cents off every lens you made per month, you would only need to make 50 million lenses to clear $1 million dollars a month!!!
Now imagine what you could do with a passive income of one million dollars a month. You could finally take that vacation you've been dreaming about. You can buy 3 Bentleys a month. You could finally tell that obnoxious boss of yours that he can stick it where the sun don't shine--you're making big money online now, and he can take this job and shove it! Fire your boss! Be your own boss! Hire yourself! Downsize your boss! Awaken the giant within! Seize the day! Keep off the grass!!!!!
So what are you waiting on? Let's get to lensmaking!!!
But wait--there's another method of generating multiple revenue streams that's even more exclusive and more secretive than making money with Squidoo lenses. It's only known by the upper echelon of internet marketers, and it deals in the more exotic circles of making money online. It's a dirty business, but it pays huge profits. It's more than just some sideline business that will help you to earn extra income; this thing will give you the money that's only enjoyed by the privileged few at the top of the economic food chain.
What am I referring to?
I'm talking about making money online selling squid doo-doo.
This is not to be mistaken for making money online with Squidoo. This is selling the actual defacation of a squid. This is high-dollar stuff. "Squid crapping", as it's known, is fast becoming one of the hottest and most viable business models ever to hit the internet marketing scene. Using a niche-store-generating software complete with a live data feed, merchant account and shopping cart module, you can market bags of squid doo-doo in various sizes and weights, as a gag gift, or as a form of specialized fertilizer, or even as an accessory in various art installations that are much too highbrow for the average art gallery patron.
"Can I really make money online with squid doo-doo?", you ask. Does a bear crap in the woods? Does a squid crap in the water? The answer, my friend, is in the question.
You will have to concentrate on finding good wholesale suppliers of squid crap, and this is the most time-consuming part. You will more than likely need to go overseas to get a respectable supplier with a decent profit margin. But, once you do, it's a veritable cash cow for the discerning entrepreneur. I will eventually provide a list of wholesale squid doo-doo suppliers in an ebook that I'm putting together--once it's done I'll market it through an affiliate program for $197.00 each. So stay tuned for the latest updates on this project.
Hopefully I have opened your eyes to the plethora of online profits that await you both with Squidoo and, ironically, squid doo-doo. Now go forth and make money online as only a squid fan can!!!
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Using Long Tail Keywords to Make Money Online
Keyword research is an absolute must if you want to make big money online. Using the right type of keyword research is a key component of search engine optimization (SEO). There are different types of keywords, but they fall into five main categories:
(1) Keywords that are directly related to and contain your topic (short tail keywords),
(2) Keywords that are somewhat related to your topic but don't necessarily directly mention your topic (long tail keywords),
(3) Keywords that once were thought to be related to your topic (dog tail keywords),
(4) Keywords that are looking for a topic (whale tail keywords), and
(5) Keywords that are no longer keywords at all (blank tail keywords).
As you can see, this is a vast subject, so we will stick with two of the most profitable types of keywords, the short tail and long tail keywords.
Short tail keywords are a given. They are simply the exact word for whatever someone may be searching for on the internet. If someone was looking for a cell phone to buy, a short tail keyword that they might type into a search engine is "cell phone"; a pretty obvious choice. But the long tail keywords, however, are much more profitable, because they tell the search engine that you REALLY know your stuff.
To come up with some long tail keywords, it will take some serious brainstorming. It's not the easiest internet marketing strategy to implement, but nonetheless, it can yield some serious multiple revenue streams once you take advantage of it.
So how do you come up with long tail keywords? A good (and almost obvious) starting point would be to think of any type of thing that has a long tail. When you do this, several different types of animals should immediately come to mind. My first thought was the monkey. It has quite a long and useful tail, which is actually also known as a prehensile tail. There are several ideas that can come to your mind to monetize monkeys. You can do a monkey training website, or even a site about how to make money with Jane Goodall. The possibilities are truly endless!
Other long tail keywords that can get top billing in the search engines include lizards, rats, alligators, squirrels, and even cats. There are a ton of associate programs and affiliate networks that offer money making products for these keywords. Use caution, however: Only stick to animals that truly have long tails, not just any kind of tail. Bobcats just recently got the Google slap due to the shortness of their tails.
Probably one of the most solid money makers I know of is the snake. If you really think about it, the snake is almost entirely one big tail. How long is the snake's tail? Nobody really knows...it would almost seem like the tail begins as soon as the head stops. But does that mean that a snake has no neck? As you can see, these questions could go on and on...but for the sake of this post, just keep in mind that "snake" as a keyword is a long tail money maker for sure.
I have given you guys only a small sample of the blog monetization potential that is available using long tail keywords. Now is the time for you to take action and put these wealth building, money making secrets to work. All hail the long tail!
(1) Keywords that are directly related to and contain your topic (short tail keywords),
(2) Keywords that are somewhat related to your topic but don't necessarily directly mention your topic (long tail keywords),
(3) Keywords that once were thought to be related to your topic (dog tail keywords),
(4) Keywords that are looking for a topic (whale tail keywords), and
(5) Keywords that are no longer keywords at all (blank tail keywords).
As you can see, this is a vast subject, so we will stick with two of the most profitable types of keywords, the short tail and long tail keywords.
Short tail keywords are a given. They are simply the exact word for whatever someone may be searching for on the internet. If someone was looking for a cell phone to buy, a short tail keyword that they might type into a search engine is "cell phone"; a pretty obvious choice. But the long tail keywords, however, are much more profitable, because they tell the search engine that you REALLY know your stuff.
To come up with some long tail keywords, it will take some serious brainstorming. It's not the easiest internet marketing strategy to implement, but nonetheless, it can yield some serious multiple revenue streams once you take advantage of it.
So how do you come up with long tail keywords? A good (and almost obvious) starting point would be to think of any type of thing that has a long tail. When you do this, several different types of animals should immediately come to mind. My first thought was the monkey. It has quite a long and useful tail, which is actually also known as a prehensile tail. There are several ideas that can come to your mind to monetize monkeys. You can do a monkey training website, or even a site about how to make money with Jane Goodall. The possibilities are truly endless!
Other long tail keywords that can get top billing in the search engines include lizards, rats, alligators, squirrels, and even cats. There are a ton of associate programs and affiliate networks that offer money making products for these keywords. Use caution, however: Only stick to animals that truly have long tails, not just any kind of tail. Bobcats just recently got the Google slap due to the shortness of their tails.
Probably one of the most solid money makers I know of is the snake. If you really think about it, the snake is almost entirely one big tail. How long is the snake's tail? Nobody really knows...it would almost seem like the tail begins as soon as the head stops. But does that mean that a snake has no neck? As you can see, these questions could go on and on...but for the sake of this post, just keep in mind that "snake" as a keyword is a long tail money maker for sure.
I have given you guys only a small sample of the blog monetization potential that is available using long tail keywords. Now is the time for you to take action and put these wealth building, money making secrets to work. All hail the long tail!
Friday, April 11, 2008
Make Money Online with a 3-Month Old Baby
So you thought Carl Ocab was awesome just because he knows how to make money online as a 13-year-old kid? Well, I've got a news flash for you, Walter Kronkite. In the world of us underground internet marketers who are really "in the know", Carl is a dinosaur.
This post will answer the age-old question "Can kids make money?" Well, here's your answer: Not only kids, but toddlers, and yes...even infants.
One small example: You remember the story in the Bible (Matthew 2:11) where the wise men brought Jesus all kinds of gold, frankincense and myrrh? He was only TWO YEARS OLD when this was happening, folks. He was making money as a toddler!
Now I know you say "Well, that was Jesus, the Son of God; of course He's going to make money." Well, it's not just limited to that. Think of how many kids are born into multi-million-dollar fortunes, or even billion-dollar fortunes! They're making money right off the bat! So please, no more excuses!
But I know what you're thinking..."What about making money on the internet?" You see, my friend...that's where the true stealth bomb secret of infantile cash inundation resides. I know of a 3-month-old baby that's kicking tail with pay-per-click marketing. He's making money with affilate programs such as Babies-R-Us and Pacifier Depot. Rumor has it he's pulling down $15,000 a month after AdWords expenses. Hey, don't hate, just congratulate.
This post should forever settle the fact that kids can make money online too. Don't let any of these fancy teenage Web 2.0 bloggers fool you...there's big bucks with the Barney crowd too!
This post will answer the age-old question "Can kids make money?" Well, here's your answer: Not only kids, but toddlers, and yes...even infants.
One small example: You remember the story in the Bible (Matthew 2:11) where the wise men brought Jesus all kinds of gold, frankincense and myrrh? He was only TWO YEARS OLD when this was happening, folks. He was making money as a toddler!
Now I know you say "Well, that was Jesus, the Son of God; of course He's going to make money." Well, it's not just limited to that. Think of how many kids are born into multi-million-dollar fortunes, or even billion-dollar fortunes! They're making money right off the bat! So please, no more excuses!
But I know what you're thinking..."What about making money on the internet?" You see, my friend...that's where the true stealth bomb secret of infantile cash inundation resides. I know of a 3-month-old baby that's kicking tail with pay-per-click marketing. He's making money with affilate programs such as Babies-R-Us and Pacifier Depot. Rumor has it he's pulling down $15,000 a month after AdWords expenses. Hey, don't hate, just congratulate.
This post should forever settle the fact that kids can make money online too. Don't let any of these fancy teenage Web 2.0 bloggers fool you...there's big bucks with the Barney crowd too!
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Make $5,472.97 a Day Using the Inverse Funnel Cake System!
Make Money with the Inverse Funnel Cake System
Take a good look at the image above.
Now take another good look.
Just a funnel cake, you say. An American favorite at carnivals, ballparks and fairs. The cheap fodder of festival folklore.
To the untrained eye, that would be an obvious assumption.
But for those of us who know how to make money with MacGyver-esque skills, the funnel cake you see above is your ticket to unimaginable wealth.
You see, there is a little-known money making system known as the Inverse Funnel Cake System. This system is not to be confused with any reverse-funnel systems that may be out on the market...this one actually uses real funnel cake to rake in thousands of dollars of profits per day!!!
The premise is simple, but powerful; all you have to do is follow the three steps below:
Step One: Hire a team of 500 like-minded entrepreneurs, each with their own funnel cake business.
Step Two: Send those bad boys out into the field!!! Charge a $1,000 placement fee to put them in the most prime carnival locations across the country.
Step Three: Charge a 5% royalty for every funnel cake sold...you've just made yourself a multi-millionaire, my friend! End of story!
So you see, your options are not just limited to making money online. You can use an all-American favorite to pull in a plethora of prodigious profits as well!
Friday, February 22, 2008
You Have Just Entered Moneytown - - Population: Me
There's an old saying that says if you want to be successful at something (especially making money online), find someone who is already successful at it and simply copy what they did, and you should get the same results.
That works in most cases...but when you're a money making genius such as myself, it's almost impossible to duplicate exactly what I do; there's simply too many mental gymnastics involved for the average lay-person to keep up.
So, I have tried to simplify the ultra-complex processes and procedures that I employ and boil my thousands of money-making ideas down to a very straightforward formula that anyone can use to create thousands, if not MILLIONS, of dollars in mere seconds online. I call this method the Cash-Accelerating Systematic Hyper-Cash Overdrive Wondermoneymaker, or C.A.S.H. C.O.W. for short. I have outlined it below in my three-step process:
Step 1: Go to Genealogy.com and change your ancestry. Choose from among the Vanderbilts, Rothschilds, or Rockefellers.
Step 2: As soon as Step 1 has been completed, you're already seriously in the money. As a matter of fact, I'm going to stop right there. That's really all you need; a basic internet connection and a complete change of your family lineage. Nothing could be simpler.
Just think; this is only one example of my power-packed plethora of profit-pulling principles...feel free to look at the archives from 2007 as well as January of this year for more examples of the super-genius money making techniques that I have perfected. Also, keep tuning in for more money making methodologies in future posts--if you're not a multi-billionaire internet marketing mogul such as myself, you literally can't afford to miss it.
That works in most cases...but when you're a money making genius such as myself, it's almost impossible to duplicate exactly what I do; there's simply too many mental gymnastics involved for the average lay-person to keep up.
So, I have tried to simplify the ultra-complex processes and procedures that I employ and boil my thousands of money-making ideas down to a very straightforward formula that anyone can use to create thousands, if not MILLIONS, of dollars in mere seconds online. I call this method the Cash-Accelerating Systematic Hyper-Cash Overdrive Wondermoneymaker, or C.A.S.H. C.O.W. for short. I have outlined it below in my three-step process:
Step 1: Go to Genealogy.com and change your ancestry. Choose from among the Vanderbilts, Rothschilds, or Rockefellers.
Step 2: As soon as Step 1 has been completed, you're already seriously in the money. As a matter of fact, I'm going to stop right there. That's really all you need; a basic internet connection and a complete change of your family lineage. Nothing could be simpler.
Just think; this is only one example of my power-packed plethora of profit-pulling principles...feel free to look at the archives from 2007 as well as January of this year for more examples of the super-genius money making techniques that I have perfected. Also, keep tuning in for more money making methodologies in future posts--if you're not a multi-billionaire internet marketing mogul such as myself, you literally can't afford to miss it.
Monday, February 18, 2008
5 Reasons Why Your Blog Sucks and Won't Make Any Money and My Blog Rocks and Will Make Millions
Anyone can put some crappy blog together, hoping that they will make tons of money through different ad networks, affiliate marketing, etc. But it takes more than just a crappy blog, a dollar and a dream to make tons of money blogging. You have to have a blog that ROCKS, and at least a MILLION dollars and a dream.
So here's the five main reasons why your blog probably sucks and mine rocks...hopefully you'll learn from them and use them to change your evil ways:
1. Because I said so. This is the true definition of an authority site. Your blog sucks because I said it does, and mine rocks because I said it does. All the rest is just trivial details, but please read on anyway.
2. You don't link gratuitously to http://steadyphil.blogspot.com.
3. You don't link even more gratuitously to ProBlogger and Perry Marshall. Haven't you learned anything by now? Read up on my posts about the benefits of linking to ProBlogger and Perry Marshall.
4. You haven't employed the I. D.O.N.'T. S.U.C.K. method of making money online. Consequently, you DO suck. Come on, people...Once again, this is not rocket math.
5. You don't deep link enough to your previous posts. I have subtly but yet successfully linked to a butt-load of my earlier posts in this small but power-packed post.
Even though your blog sucks, I would still encourage you to use the techniques I have described above to maybe improve that hopeless pile of crap you're calling a "make money online blog". And when you do, please link to me so that I can revel in my money making mastery!!!
So here's the five main reasons why your blog probably sucks and mine rocks...hopefully you'll learn from them and use them to change your evil ways:
1. Because I said so. This is the true definition of an authority site. Your blog sucks because I said it does, and mine rocks because I said it does. All the rest is just trivial details, but please read on anyway.
2. You don't link gratuitously to http://steadyphil.blogspot.com.
3. You don't link even more gratuitously to ProBlogger and Perry Marshall. Haven't you learned anything by now? Read up on my posts about the benefits of linking to ProBlogger and Perry Marshall.
4. You haven't employed the I. D.O.N.'T. S.U.C.K. method of making money online. Consequently, you DO suck. Come on, people...Once again, this is not rocket math.
5. You don't deep link enough to your previous posts. I have subtly but yet successfully linked to a butt-load of my earlier posts in this small but power-packed post.
Even though your blog sucks, I would still encourage you to use the techniques I have described above to maybe improve that hopeless pile of crap you're calling a "make money online blog". And when you do, please link to me so that I can revel in my money making mastery!!!
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Make Money Online without a Website, a Product, a Computer, or Even a Pulse!
Yes, you can make money online without worrying about any of those trivial details such as having a computer, having a website, having a product, or even being online at all. As a matter of fact, YOU CAN MAKE MONEY ONLINE WITHOUT EVEN MAKING MONEY ONLINE!!!
As with most money-making methods, this is a carefully-guarded secret that has been passed down through a elite group of internet entrepreneurs since 1995. It's actually so secret that I don't even fully know the method. I have discovered and implemented only certain fragments of it, still with extraordinary results. Once quick example: I was able once to generate $3,576,822.87 online while SLEEPWALKING. Yeah...it's that serious.
Since it is such a lucrative method, I can only reveal one aspect of the fragment of the method that I do know of. Here it is: Read everything you can find by Perry Marshall.
That's all I can give you. More than likely, I'll just have to resort to revealing the more "plain vanilla" money making methods to my readership from now on. I hate to do this, but with such nuclear-meldown-producing profit potential of the more "secret" methods, I have to make this world a safer place by reserving those money making methods only for those of us who will use these powers for good, and not for evil.
As with most money-making methods, this is a carefully-guarded secret that has been passed down through a elite group of internet entrepreneurs since 1995. It's actually so secret that I don't even fully know the method. I have discovered and implemented only certain fragments of it, still with extraordinary results. Once quick example: I was able once to generate $3,576,822.87 online while SLEEPWALKING. Yeah...it's that serious.
Since it is such a lucrative method, I can only reveal one aspect of the fragment of the method that I do know of. Here it is: Read everything you can find by Perry Marshall.
That's all I can give you. More than likely, I'll just have to resort to revealing the more "plain vanilla" money making methods to my readership from now on. I hate to do this, but with such nuclear-meldown-producing profit potential of the more "secret" methods, I have to make this world a safer place by reserving those money making methods only for those of us who will use these powers for good, and not for evil.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Make Barrels of Money Clipping Coupons
Grab the scissors and get ready to ROCK. You don't even know making money until you know how to execute this cash-flow-producing stealth maneuver.
You can bring in TONS of cash through a little-known technique known as coupon-clipping-and-redemption.
Have you seen on the back of your average grocery store coupon, where it says "Redemption Value: 1/100th of a cent"? There's your ticket to wealth right there! Here's a four-step process to raking in a convulsion-producing amount of money through redeeming all of those grocery store coupons that nobody wants:
1. Gather up at least 5,347,893 coupons worth 1/100th of a cent apiece.
2. Get incorporated as a grocery store; don't be afraid to be creative with the name of your business! Don't settle for "ABC Grocery"; come up with something that will really sound convincing.
3. Send the coupons to the appropriate manufacturers so that you can get the proper credit for each coupon; make sure that the manufacturers make the check out to your new creative grocery store name!
4. Sit back and wait for those fat checks to roll in!!!
Who said that there was no other way to rake in the dough except by making money online? I've just shown you the golden key to offline wealth--so crank up the scissors, my friend!
You can bring in TONS of cash through a little-known technique known as coupon-clipping-and-redemption.
Have you seen on the back of your average grocery store coupon, where it says "Redemption Value: 1/100th of a cent"? There's your ticket to wealth right there! Here's a four-step process to raking in a convulsion-producing amount of money through redeeming all of those grocery store coupons that nobody wants:
1. Gather up at least 5,347,893 coupons worth 1/100th of a cent apiece.
2. Get incorporated as a grocery store; don't be afraid to be creative with the name of your business! Don't settle for "ABC Grocery"; come up with something that will really sound convincing.
3. Send the coupons to the appropriate manufacturers so that you can get the proper credit for each coupon; make sure that the manufacturers make the check out to your new creative grocery store name!
4. Sit back and wait for those fat checks to roll in!!!
Who said that there was no other way to rake in the dough except by making money online? I've just shown you the golden key to offline wealth--so crank up the scissors, my friend!
Friday, February 8, 2008
Making Money Online is Not Rocket Math
Any raving idiot can make huge amounts of money online if they just follow the right path. The key is to find other idiots that have made tons of money online and duplicate their efforts.
Being an idiot is deceptively difficult, though. You have to be able to not understand things and not comprehend things, so that you can remain blissfully ignorant, and thereby increase your chances of stumbling upon the perfect money making formula. From most of the "make money online" internet marketing sites I have reviewed, this is the one trait they all have in common; the ability to stumble upon amazing secret cash-generating techniques that have only been accessed by a few elite money-making internet moguls.
So don't ever let anyone tell you that you can't make thousands of dollars a day online by stumbling upon the carefully-guarded wealth-building secrets of the internet power-gods. After all, it's not rocket math.
Being an idiot is deceptively difficult, though. You have to be able to not understand things and not comprehend things, so that you can remain blissfully ignorant, and thereby increase your chances of stumbling upon the perfect money making formula. From most of the "make money online" internet marketing sites I have reviewed, this is the one trait they all have in common; the ability to stumble upon amazing secret cash-generating techniques that have only been accessed by a few elite money-making internet moguls.
So don't ever let anyone tell you that you can't make thousands of dollars a day online by stumbling upon the carefully-guarded wealth-building secrets of the internet power-gods. After all, it's not rocket math.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Make Money With or Without Your Underwear!
There are a plethora of internet marketing gurus that make tons of money online while sitting at their kitchen tables in their underwear. This assertion is so common now that there are actually thousands of pants-less people simultaneously pulling down tons of cash while enjoying a nice breeze below the abdomen.
But I'm promoting an online money-making method that takes the whole "sans pants" concept to the next level. My money-making method not only works when you're sitting at your kitchen table in your underwear; it actually works when you're not wearing ANY underwear at all!
How can this be, you ask? Easy...you can make money as a nudist!
I alluded to it in my post about making money running a nude marathon in a viking helmet. Why waste time with those cumbersome clothes when you can pull in the loot in your birthday suit?
So for all these so-called "gurus" that think they have something to brag about because they're pulling down some cheddar in their Fruit-of-the-Looms, I'm throwing down the gauntlet--and my clothes--and saying "Take it up a notch, pal...blog in the buff". I've done it, and there's no more liberating feeling in the world.
One money making bit of parting advice, however...pick a soft chair.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Pull TONS of Traffic to Your Blog via Shoemoney and John Chow
In the world of "make money online" blogging, there are a few superheroes that stand head-and-shoulders above the rest. We all know that Darren Rowse of ProBlogger holds the title of Blogging God from the 5th Parallel Dimension, so we will leave him out of this conversation entirely.
There are others, however, that share a piece of the limelight as well; namely, internet marketing/affiliate marketing/blogging gurus Shoemoney and John Chow. In this post I'm going to teach you a quick, simple, 3-step plan to pull a earth-shattering amount of traffic to your blog using their names & reputations as a springboard to launch your own tsunami of traffic!!!
Step 1: Link to Shoemoney and John Chow in your blog post.
Step 2: Invent some reason why they suck and why they're ruining the true blog community.
Step 3: Submit it to all the major social bookmarking sites, a la Digg, Del.icio.us, Reddit, Technorati, on & on.
There you have it...a revelatory recipe for a rush of ridiculous traffic, designed to bring a diarrhea-inducing swarm of online profits!!!!
There are others, however, that share a piece of the limelight as well; namely, internet marketing/affiliate marketing/blogging gurus Shoemoney and John Chow. In this post I'm going to teach you a quick, simple, 3-step plan to pull a earth-shattering amount of traffic to your blog using their names & reputations as a springboard to launch your own tsunami of traffic!!!
Step 1: Link to Shoemoney and John Chow in your blog post.
Step 2: Invent some reason why they suck and why they're ruining the true blog community.
Step 3: Submit it to all the major social bookmarking sites, a la Digg, Del.icio.us, Reddit, Technorati, on & on.
There you have it...a revelatory recipe for a rush of ridiculous traffic, designed to bring a diarrhea-inducing swarm of online profits!!!!
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